Not my will, but your's be done.

Saturday, August 16, 2008


Our appointment went well. We met with both Dr. Lockheart and the genetic counselor. They were both very nice, and had studied all of our records in much detail. Dr. Cunningham had already informed us that when the results came back from Treyson's bloodwork and biopsy that all of the chromosones were normal. Dr. Lockheart started by telling us that we obviously had some incredible doctors. She said that all of the reports about Treyson and I were excellent. She proceeded to tell us that the fact that the chromosones were normal was a really good thing. Abnormal chromosones would put us at a much higher chance of having problems in the future, if we choose t0 have another baby.

Treyson had multiple problems. Besides not having kidneys, he had problems with his lower spine, and some extra fluid in his brain. Dr. Lockheart and her assistant, the genetic counselor, had done alot of research on Treyson's problems. They informed us that everything that went "wrong" with him happened between 20 and 30 days after conception. I asked her if I could have possible done something or have been exposed to something in that time that could have hurt the baby. They said that in all the research done, Treyson's problems could not be pin-pointed on any particular thing. She said that in her opinion that we had only a 3% chance of this happening again.

Josh and I left the appointment feeling as good as you can feel in this situation. We both feel like we had the best doctor doing her absolute best to give us an answer. I REALLY wanted to get to the root of the problem. I wanted to know, was it a bad egg?, defective sperm?, benzene exposure?(my huband works with chemicals), the pollution of our area?(we live in one of the most polluted areas of the country), ect. But even though we didn't get the exact answer I wanted, I still left with a peace. I felt like since we had great doctors that all did their best, even though we didn't get the definative answer that I wanted, that we got the answers we were meant to have. Apparently we aren't supposed to know the exact reason why right now.

There is still a part of me that wants to know EXACTLY what went wrong, and EXACTLY when it went wrong. But after much thought, I think that my baby was perfect and exactly as God intended him to be. Who am I to change God's plan? God did not cause Treyson's problems, but He very well could have prevented them...but He didn't.
Treyson was exactly the way he was supposed to be.


I love my baby, Treyson Kemp Carlin, with my whole heart. I would give anything to have him in my arms now. But I know enought to know that God knows best. If it was meant for him to be healed, than he would have been. Obviously he was perfect the way he was.

I'm happy with the answers we got, as minimal as they were. They confirmed what I had thought all along. Treyson was exactly as he was meant to be.


That is my child.


MamaJ said...

Hurray!!!! I am so glad things went well. God's reasons are much bigger than anything science can come up with. I am glad He gave you peace about it also. I love the new blog look, it's adorable! Love you!!

Rooney's Little Musings said...

I am praising God for your feelings of peace! That is really all we can ask for.

I am so thankful you had a positive experience, and feel everything that could be done was.

Reese-E said...

Love the new blog background, Jessica! So cute! And glad to hear everything went well!

sweet jenn said...

good to hear that things went well at your doctor visit. I know that sometimes the answers do not come complete enough for us but I'm so glad you are resting in the peace of the Father.

Sara said...

I am glad your appt. went well. It makes me so happy to know that you are feeling a sense of peace about things. God is wonderful.

You are so right - Treyson was perfect. Your pictures are beautiful - what a gorgeous family. Thank you for sharing!

I love the new look - I am so jealous!