Josh and I have been tossing around baby names. When I had been pregnant for about a month we had a casual name conversation. I dug up the old list from when I was pregnant with Treyson and we looked over it. We both had a couple girl names we liked and a boy name or two also. But after a few minutes of discussing it we decided to just wait until we knew the sex of the baby and then we would decided. So, when I had an ultrasound at 15 weeks, even though it was pretty early to know the sex for sure, we were pretty sure that we were having a girl.( I know, I know. I'll never jump to conclusions that early again!) It took about 5 minutes of talking about it and we had a girl name that just seemed to fit. So Thursday when we got our little surprise that we are having a boy, we were nameless. When we came home and I dug up the trusty old list, again. This time nothing fit. The problem isn't finding a name that we like. The problem is finding a name that fits. This is where you come in...
Got any baby boy name suggestions? Send them my way! The only rule is: don't suggest a name that you wouldn't want me to actually use. By that I mean, if the name is still on your list for a possible future child, then don't suggest it. I wouldn't want to snatch your baby name. :) But for those of you who are done having kids, or have some cool names that you like that have received the husband veto, then let me hear 'em!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Specialist Appointment
Yesterday was my appointment with the genetic counselor and prenatal ultrasound specialist. I am relieved to say that it went very well! The first appointment was with the genetic counselor. I tried to get out of the appointment ahead of time by explaining to the receptionist that we have already received genetic counseling after Treyson was born, so I really didn't think we needed anymore. But she insisted that the specialist wanted us to have the counseling, so I just agreed to go. The genetic counselors that we went to after Treyson was born were incredible. One of them has done ground breaking research in the field of prenatal and pediatric genetics. She and her assistant had studied all of mine and Treyson's medical records in detail and gave us all the information and answer that they possibly could. Josh and I both left that appointment with a peace that even though there were still several unanswerable questions, we felt that knew all that we needed to know. It has been a little over a year since that last genetics appointment, and I've been at peace with the limited knowledge that we have. I felt that going to genetic counseling again would be a waste of time because we would hear the same information that we've heard for over a year..."We haven't been able to discover the cause....", "Your child's chromosones where all normal....", and yada, yada, yada.
I was very pleasantly surprised though. The counselor was extrememly nice, and we actually walked away from the appointment feeling like we knew a more than we did before hand. She explained that the problems that Treyson had could possibly be linked to a bad gene in either Josh or I. If both Josh and I have the same bad gene that caused Treyson's problems, then we have a 25% of reoccurence in this or any future pregnancy. That may sound like alot, but, that is our absolute highest odds, and most likely they are much lower than that. And no, they can't test Josh and I to see if we have this bad gene because there are thousands of genes and they don't know which one to test. She also said that it may have not been caused by a bad gene, it could have been caused by something as simple as an interruption in blood flow to the baby some time between 10 and 30 days after conception. I know that may not neccessarily sound like good news to any of you, but for us it was good to know. When you've been in a situation like ours where nobody can really give you any answers because no one has any answers, any news is good news. My mother in law said it perfectly, "When you find out all the things that could possibly go wrong with a baby, it is a true miracle that so many babys are born perfectly normal."
The next appointment was the ultrasound. It was a precautionary appointment, just to be on the safe side. Everything up to this point has looked just right with the baby with no reason to think otherwise. The ultrasound went great. The doctor pointed out the kidneys(which were both functioning perfectly), the stomach, and the bladder. He measured the volume of amniotic fluid and the level was great. The brain and spine looked and measured normal. The arms, legs, abdomen, and head all measured right on target.
We breathed a big sigh of relief and were simply estatic. Praise the Lord for a healthy and very active baby. The doctor then asked if we wanted to know the sex of the baby. Um, yeah!! I don't think I have the patience and self-control to not know.
So the doctor took a look and said, "It's a girl."
Josh and I both said, "We knew it!"
(We though we knew it because a friend did an ultrasound for me at 15 weeks and the baby looked most definitely like a girl.)
My mother in law, who was with us was like, " Are you sure?"
(She has a knack for predicting babies and even though she hadn't said, she thought we were having a boy.)
The doctor kept looking around and paused over something and said, " I'm going to have to change my mind. It's a boy."
WHAT?! It didn't matter to Josh or I one bit whether it was a boy or a girl, but we had already gotten in to the girl mindset after my previous ultrasound. So when the doctor told us(and showed us) that it was a boy we were both SHOCKED. It felt like finding out that I was pregnant all over again!
We left the appointments very estatic about our healthy baby boy! I have to go back for another ultrasound in a month for another look at the baby's heart. I'm telling myself that the doctor is just being cautious and needs a closer look(even though Treyson's heart was perfectly fine), but truth be told I'm a tad bit nervous.
In spite of the bit of underlying worry, my spirits aren't dampened at all! Baby Boy( who has no name yet because we thought he was Baby Girl), is a healthy little wiggle worm. I thank you all so much for your prayers!
Now to find him a name....
I was very pleasantly surprised though. The counselor was extrememly nice, and we actually walked away from the appointment feeling like we knew a more than we did before hand. She explained that the problems that Treyson had could possibly be linked to a bad gene in either Josh or I. If both Josh and I have the same bad gene that caused Treyson's problems, then we have a 25% of reoccurence in this or any future pregnancy. That may sound like alot, but, that is our absolute highest odds, and most likely they are much lower than that. And no, they can't test Josh and I to see if we have this bad gene because there are thousands of genes and they don't know which one to test. She also said that it may have not been caused by a bad gene, it could have been caused by something as simple as an interruption in blood flow to the baby some time between 10 and 30 days after conception. I know that may not neccessarily sound like good news to any of you, but for us it was good to know. When you've been in a situation like ours where nobody can really give you any answers because no one has any answers, any news is good news. My mother in law said it perfectly, "When you find out all the things that could possibly go wrong with a baby, it is a true miracle that so many babys are born perfectly normal."
The next appointment was the ultrasound. It was a precautionary appointment, just to be on the safe side. Everything up to this point has looked just right with the baby with no reason to think otherwise. The ultrasound went great. The doctor pointed out the kidneys(which were both functioning perfectly), the stomach, and the bladder. He measured the volume of amniotic fluid and the level was great. The brain and spine looked and measured normal. The arms, legs, abdomen, and head all measured right on target.
We breathed a big sigh of relief and were simply estatic. Praise the Lord for a healthy and very active baby. The doctor then asked if we wanted to know the sex of the baby. Um, yeah!! I don't think I have the patience and self-control to not know.
So the doctor took a look and said, "It's a girl."
Josh and I both said, "We knew it!"
(We though we knew it because a friend did an ultrasound for me at 15 weeks and the baby looked most definitely like a girl.)
My mother in law, who was with us was like, " Are you sure?"
(She has a knack for predicting babies and even though she hadn't said, she thought we were having a boy.)
The doctor kept looking around and paused over something and said, " I'm going to have to change my mind. It's a boy."
WHAT?! It didn't matter to Josh or I one bit whether it was a boy or a girl, but we had already gotten in to the girl mindset after my previous ultrasound. So when the doctor told us(and showed us) that it was a boy we were both SHOCKED. It felt like finding out that I was pregnant all over again!
We left the appointments very estatic about our healthy baby boy! I have to go back for another ultrasound in a month for another look at the baby's heart. I'm telling myself that the doctor is just being cautious and needs a closer look(even though Treyson's heart was perfectly fine), but truth be told I'm a tad bit nervous.
In spite of the bit of underlying worry, my spirits aren't dampened at all! Baby Boy( who has no name yet because we thought he was Baby Girl), is a healthy little wiggle worm. I thank you all so much for your prayers!
Now to find him a name....
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Come What May
In honor of mine and Josh's anniversary today, I thought I'd share a few things that you might not know about us.
1. We don't always get along.
I know that comes as a shocker to most of you...ok well, maybe not. I think any one with common sense knows that all couples argue at least every once in a while. Josh and I actually do get along most of the time, but we have had our share of bickering and even a few knock-down drag-outs along the way. We've yelled and argued,(Some times in front of the kids, even though we said that we would never do that). We've gone to bed mad,(Even though we said that we would never do that either). And we've said things we don't mean. (Like when he called me demanding and said that I want all my demands to be met immediately. I know that he didn't mean that. (*wink*) And then there's the time I told him that if he did not stop talking this instant that I was going to hit him with a baseball bat. We laugh about it now(and we actually laughed about it then too), beacause we both know that I didn't mean it...sort of.) So yes, we do fight, but no, it isn't very often.
2. We spoon.
When it comes to bed time we're like two spoons in a silverware drawer. We rarely fall asleep without being atleast mildly intertwined. This, folks, is true marriage adaptation, beacause we didn't exactly start out this way. I'm the touchy feely one who likes to cuddle and hold hands, and Josh, well, not as much. And to top it off, he's hot natured and I'm not. So when we first got married I stuck to him like a leech and he was less than thrilled. But in just a year's time he began to change. I guess he realized that I wasn't scooting over, so he better learn to sleep with me attached, or function in life with out sleep. Now he unkowingly reaches for me in his sleep if I'm not right beside him. *smile* And he can't fall asleep without me. *sigh* Sweetness, eh?
3. We laugh. Alot.
Josh is hilarious. His sense of humor is what won me over(another story), and he keeps me laughing today. He is gifted with the art of finding humor in almost any situation. The ability to laugh hard and often has made a huge difference in our marriage. No matter how irriated, or upset, or sad, or mad I get, it usually only takes a few comical attempts on his part to have me laughing again. What a great quality!
4. Josh is an encourager, and I'm...not.
Josh is such a good encourager. It truly is one of his gifts. He is my daily encourager in all the little details of life. He is always telling me that I'm a great mom and wife. Even though I know that I fall short in so many ways, he never cease to find ways to encourage and lift me up.
Now me, well I'm just not good at the encouraging part. I really try to make an effort of encourage the kids, but Josh tends to get the short end of the stick with my efforts in this area. I guess I figure that he knows that I think he is an awesome husband and dad and that I love an appreciate him. Why else would I be trying to hold his hand all the time?! (Can you see the two different wave lengths we function on?)
Last but not least,
5. We love each other.
Yup, we do. We really really really really do. May sound sappy, but it's true. I totally and completely love him with all my heart. And I know with 100% certainty that he feels exactly the same way. We're a team. We fit together like two puzzle pieces. No one else could fit with me the way he does.
These five things are just a little glimpse into who Josh and I are as a couple. There is a whole lot more that could be said, but I think I'll keep some things to myself. If I flaunt what an awesome catch I have then I may end up having to fight some girl for trying to steal my man. *heehee* (That laugh was a sorta funny sorta evil laugh, because I'm really not kidding about the fighting thing...if I had to.)
And now, to Josh,
My Josh,
You're my blessing in disguise.
And I hope you don't mind
that I put down in words,
how wonderful life is
now that you're in the world.
Come what may,
I will love you until my dying day.
All my love,
Me
P.S. I hope you like your new yo-yo. :)
1. We don't always get along.
I know that comes as a shocker to most of you...ok well, maybe not. I think any one with common sense knows that all couples argue at least every once in a while. Josh and I actually do get along most of the time, but we have had our share of bickering and even a few knock-down drag-outs along the way. We've yelled and argued,(Some times in front of the kids, even though we said that we would never do that). We've gone to bed mad,(Even though we said that we would never do that either). And we've said things we don't mean. (Like when he called me demanding and said that I want all my demands to be met immediately. I know that he didn't mean that. (*wink*) And then there's the time I told him that if he did not stop talking this instant that I was going to hit him with a baseball bat. We laugh about it now(and we actually laughed about it then too), beacause we both know that I didn't mean it...sort of.) So yes, we do fight, but no, it isn't very often.
2. We spoon.
When it comes to bed time we're like two spoons in a silverware drawer. We rarely fall asleep without being atleast mildly intertwined. This, folks, is true marriage adaptation, beacause we didn't exactly start out this way. I'm the touchy feely one who likes to cuddle and hold hands, and Josh, well, not as much. And to top it off, he's hot natured and I'm not. So when we first got married I stuck to him like a leech and he was less than thrilled. But in just a year's time he began to change. I guess he realized that I wasn't scooting over, so he better learn to sleep with me attached, or function in life with out sleep. Now he unkowingly reaches for me in his sleep if I'm not right beside him. *smile* And he can't fall asleep without me. *sigh* Sweetness, eh?
3. We laugh. Alot.
Josh is hilarious. His sense of humor is what won me over(another story), and he keeps me laughing today. He is gifted with the art of finding humor in almost any situation. The ability to laugh hard and often has made a huge difference in our marriage. No matter how irriated, or upset, or sad, or mad I get, it usually only takes a few comical attempts on his part to have me laughing again. What a great quality!
4. Josh is an encourager, and I'm...not.
Josh is such a good encourager. It truly is one of his gifts. He is my daily encourager in all the little details of life. He is always telling me that I'm a great mom and wife. Even though I know that I fall short in so many ways, he never cease to find ways to encourage and lift me up.
Now me, well I'm just not good at the encouraging part. I really try to make an effort of encourage the kids, but Josh tends to get the short end of the stick with my efforts in this area. I guess I figure that he knows that I think he is an awesome husband and dad and that I love an appreciate him. Why else would I be trying to hold his hand all the time?! (Can you see the two different wave lengths we function on?)
Last but not least,
5. We love each other.
Yup, we do. We really really really really do. May sound sappy, but it's true. I totally and completely love him with all my heart. And I know with 100% certainty that he feels exactly the same way. We're a team. We fit together like two puzzle pieces. No one else could fit with me the way he does.
These five things are just a little glimpse into who Josh and I are as a couple. There is a whole lot more that could be said, but I think I'll keep some things to myself. If I flaunt what an awesome catch I have then I may end up having to fight some girl for trying to steal my man. *heehee* (That laugh was a sorta funny sorta evil laugh, because I'm really not kidding about the fighting thing...if I had to.)
And now, to Josh,
My Josh,
You're my blessing in disguise.
And I hope you don't mind
that I put down in words,
how wonderful life is
now that you're in the world.
Come what may,
I will love you until my dying day.
All my love,
Me
P.S. I hope you like your new yo-yo. :)
Friday, August 14, 2009
Papa Roach
You heard me right. I did say Papa Roach. For those of you who don't know who he/that/it is, He is a singer...or a band. I'm not really sure if Papa Roach is the name of the band, or the name that the lead singer chooses to go by, and honestly I don't really care. It is not my place to say whether or not a person is a Christian, but he has done nothing that shows me that he is, and from the little bit I have seen and heard from him, he has done his fair share to show me otherwise. With that being said, the Lord has still used one of his songs to minister to me. The name of the song is "Lifeline" and I first heard it on the radio a couple of months ago. It had a catchy tune,(for those of you who like rock music) so I was driving kind of humming and bobbing my head to the music. Then I started to listen to the lyrics and that is what truly drew me in. I am a lover of music. I grew up in a household that loved music of all types, and from my earliest memories I always recall music being a part of my life. But, more than being a lover of music, I am a lover of words. Poetry, prose, fiction, non-fiction, I love it all. I could honestly tell my life story in famous(and not-so-famous) quotes, and still feel as though I have done it justice. You could tell me that I am going to die a horrible death tomorrow, but if you say it to me in Shakespearian and tweek it with just the right words, I will just sit back, grin, and sigh contentedly. I guess, at times, I can get so caught up in the delivery that I lose sight of the actual message.
But now I've gone off and chased a rabbit. Back to Daddy Gross Bug, er, uh, whatever his name is. Anyway, while it was the tune that originally attracted me to the song, it was the lyrics that ministered to me. I only caught about the second half of the song, so when I got home I went straight to the computer and looked it up. Thankfully the DJ said who the artist was, or else it would have made my search somewhat more difficult. I searched the song and the video came right up. Gotta love that youtube! Once I watched the video I was shocked that it ministered to me also! I really only watched it because I wanted a chance to listen to the song again.
The past year and a half has been a very difficult one. Losing Treyson completely ripped my heart out. We have also have a parade of other difficulties that seem never ending at times. While life has been stressful, difficult, and full of heartache the past year and a half, I haven't felt the despare that I have felt when I was in a different place in my life. The recent heartache in my life hit when I was firm in my faith and walking closely with the Lord. That does not diminish the pain, but did give me a firm foundation to fall on, even if I felt like I was falling face first every single day, over and over again.
While I have been a Christian since a young age, I did chose to wander from the Lord about a decade ago. Ok, I didn't actually wander from the Lord, I pretty much ran as fast as I could. I guess stepping away from my close walk with the Lord may have started as a wander, a meander of sorts. Once I felt the sting of blatantly being out of the Lord's will for my life, I took off to running away full force. I spent the next several years of my life in that state. I won't go in to the details of what my life was like then at this time, I can sum it up in one word.
Desperate.
Webster defines "desperate" like this(when I said I was a lover of words, well, definitions are words, so I really like definitions too.): desperate: Rash, violent, reckless, and without care, as from despair; intense; overpowering.
I can't speak for anyone else's experience as to what it feels like to be a Christian that has purposely stepped out of His will, but as for me that is exactly how I felt. I was a child of God that had run to far away, that when my life came crashing down around me, I felt as though I had no one to turn to. I knew that the Lord was there waiting for me. But I felt too dirty and undeserving to turn back to Him. That feeling is utter despair.
Of course in time, I did wise up and take steps to mend my broken relationship with the Lord, the memory of that pain has never faded. I am actually glad of this fact, because it is humbling to remember where the Lord has brought me from.
Ok, now I feel like I've used way to many words, to explain how and why a song ministered to me. If you are still hanging in there with me, you are quite a trooper. I've posted the lyrics, just because they remind me where I've come from. I've also posted the link to the video. If you completely hate rock music, then I don't even suggest giving it a try. But if you have even a little bit of an open mind, then maybe the Creepy Bug Dude can minister to you too. Never underestimate how the Lord and choose to speak to you. If I were a betting gal, which I'm not, I'd bet that Papa Bug never intended this song to have any true spiritual value. But the Lord chose otherwise. At least in my life any way.
Here are the lyrics:
(quick side note. I sometimes find the meaning of lyrics difficult to grasp without hearing the music also. I guess that's another hint that maybe you should watch the video.)
If you would like to watch the video, click here.
Oh, and if you do watch it keep watching when you think it's over as to not miss the F.D.R. quote. You know I love me some quotes!
Thanks,
Jessica
a quick p.s. The scene on the building where the desperate man is being pursued by another man and the pursuer yells out, "I'm never gonna fade away!", perfectly portrays the scene in my heart when I chose to quit running away from the Lord, and turn back and run towards Him. Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His love endures forever!
But now I've gone off and chased a rabbit. Back to Daddy Gross Bug, er, uh, whatever his name is. Anyway, while it was the tune that originally attracted me to the song, it was the lyrics that ministered to me. I only caught about the second half of the song, so when I got home I went straight to the computer and looked it up. Thankfully the DJ said who the artist was, or else it would have made my search somewhat more difficult. I searched the song and the video came right up. Gotta love that youtube! Once I watched the video I was shocked that it ministered to me also! I really only watched it because I wanted a chance to listen to the song again.
The past year and a half has been a very difficult one. Losing Treyson completely ripped my heart out. We have also have a parade of other difficulties that seem never ending at times. While life has been stressful, difficult, and full of heartache the past year and a half, I haven't felt the despare that I have felt when I was in a different place in my life. The recent heartache in my life hit when I was firm in my faith and walking closely with the Lord. That does not diminish the pain, but did give me a firm foundation to fall on, even if I felt like I was falling face first every single day, over and over again.
While I have been a Christian since a young age, I did chose to wander from the Lord about a decade ago. Ok, I didn't actually wander from the Lord, I pretty much ran as fast as I could. I guess stepping away from my close walk with the Lord may have started as a wander, a meander of sorts. Once I felt the sting of blatantly being out of the Lord's will for my life, I took off to running away full force. I spent the next several years of my life in that state. I won't go in to the details of what my life was like then at this time, I can sum it up in one word.
Desperate.
Webster defines "desperate" like this(when I said I was a lover of words, well, definitions are words, so I really like definitions too.): desperate: Rash, violent, reckless, and without care, as from despair; intense; overpowering.
I can't speak for anyone else's experience as to what it feels like to be a Christian that has purposely stepped out of His will, but as for me that is exactly how I felt. I was a child of God that had run to far away, that when my life came crashing down around me, I felt as though I had no one to turn to. I knew that the Lord was there waiting for me. But I felt too dirty and undeserving to turn back to Him. That feeling is utter despair.
Of course in time, I did wise up and take steps to mend my broken relationship with the Lord, the memory of that pain has never faded. I am actually glad of this fact, because it is humbling to remember where the Lord has brought me from.
Ok, now I feel like I've used way to many words, to explain how and why a song ministered to me. If you are still hanging in there with me, you are quite a trooper. I've posted the lyrics, just because they remind me where I've come from. I've also posted the link to the video. If you completely hate rock music, then I don't even suggest giving it a try. But if you have even a little bit of an open mind, then maybe the Creepy Bug Dude can minister to you too. Never underestimate how the Lord and choose to speak to you. If I were a betting gal, which I'm not, I'd bet that Papa Bug never intended this song to have any true spiritual value. But the Lord chose otherwise. At least in my life any way.
Here are the lyrics:
(quick side note. I sometimes find the meaning of lyrics difficult to grasp without hearing the music also. I guess that's another hint that maybe you should watch the video.)
When I was a boy I didn't care 'bout a thing
It was me and this world and a broken dream
I was blaming myself for all that was going wrong
I was way out there on the wrong side of town
And the ones that I loved I started pushing 'em out
Then I realized that it was all my fault
I've been looking for a lifeline
For what seems like a lifetime
I'm drowning in the pain, breaking down again
Looking for a lifeline
So I put out my hand and I asked for some help
We tore down the walls I built around myself
I was struck by the light and I fell to the ground
I've been looking for a lifeline
For what seems like a lifetime
I'm drowning in the pain, breaking down again
Looking for a lifeline
Is there anybody out there?
Can you pull me from this ocean of despair?
I'm drowning in the pain, breaking down again
Looking for a lifeline
You know a heart of gold won't take you all the way
And in a world so cold it's hard to keep the faith
I'm never gonna fade away, yeah
I've been looking for a lifeline
For what seems like a lifetime
I'm drowning in the pain, breaking down again
Looking for a lifeline
Is there anybody out there?
Can you pull me from this ocean of despair?
I'm drowning in the pain, breaking down again
Looking for a lifeline
If you would like to watch the video, click here.
Oh, and if you do watch it keep watching when you think it's over as to not miss the F.D.R. quote. You know I love me some quotes!
Thanks,
Jessica
a quick p.s. The scene on the building where the desperate man is being pursued by another man and the pursuer yells out, "I'm never gonna fade away!", perfectly portrays the scene in my heart when I chose to quit running away from the Lord, and turn back and run towards Him. Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His love endures forever!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The Longer Version of the Original Annoucement
I know I made yesterday's announcment short and sweet, but I had so many other thoughts whirling through my head that I thought best to just keep it short and to the point. We are very excited about little baby number four! It almost seems surreal just to say that...baby number FOUR. Wow! What a blessing!
We have actually known for quite awhile that I was pregnant, but chose to keep it under wraps this time around. I guess after having Treyson I felt more like keeping it to myself for a little while. I don't in any way want to give the impression that since we have been more private this time,(not even telling the majority of our family until now), that we aren't excited and happy. We are VERY excited. The emotions are just a little different this time around. I kept telling myself,(and Josh), that I wasn't worried about complications, but I guess I needed a little time to convince myself.
This pregnancy is going great though. For the first month and a half or so I was constantly sick and tired. In spite of the discomfort, I actually found this encouraging. I felt like it was God's way of reassuring me that I was very much pregnant. And boy, I have felt very much pregnant. More so than with any of my previous pregnancies. The nausea and fatigue have improved the past couple of weeks, but I'm still struggling with the issue of no food on earth sounding appealing the majority of the time, but then if I don't eat I get nauseated. A bit of an impass, eh? But what a glorious impass to be at! I am so dreadfully excited about this new baby that all the nausea, weird smells, fatigue, and overactive emotions in the world couldn't damper my spirits in the slightest.
Back to how I know this pregnancy is going so great though. Apart from the hormone induced problems, and, most importantly, an incredible peace from God, I have other proof that things are excellent. I've had two ultrasounds. One at 7 weeks, where I saw a bean with the most beautiful heartbeat in the whole entire world!! And one at 9 weeks, where Josh and I got to see a very squirmy, kicking, arm stretching little baby!! Both our jaws dropped in amazement at the sheer awesomeness of it. (Not sure if "awesomeness" is an actually word, but i'm going with it anyway.) I also had my first actual doctors appointment at 11 weeks and I'm measuring great and the heartbeat it strong and perfect. Things couldn't be going better! We just can't stop praising the Lord for His goodness and constant reassurance!
I will be going to see the specialist at some point in the next few weeks, so I will of course give you an update after that appointment, but as of right now things could be going more perfect with this baby's development. Thank you all so much for all your prayers. I can't tell you enough how much they mean to me. Honestly, what nicer thing can you do for a person other than lift them up in prayer? I can't think of one. And also, thank you all for being so genuinely excited and happy for us. It makes my heart smile to read your sweet words of congratulations. God is good, in spite of our circumstances in life; whether good or bad, happy or sad, how we want things to be or if things are the opposite of how we want them to be, God is still good. But we are full of praise that He has chosen to grant us such a wonderful blessing. Praise the Lord!
We have actually known for quite awhile that I was pregnant, but chose to keep it under wraps this time around. I guess after having Treyson I felt more like keeping it to myself for a little while. I don't in any way want to give the impression that since we have been more private this time,(not even telling the majority of our family until now), that we aren't excited and happy. We are VERY excited. The emotions are just a little different this time around. I kept telling myself,(and Josh), that I wasn't worried about complications, but I guess I needed a little time to convince myself.
This pregnancy is going great though. For the first month and a half or so I was constantly sick and tired. In spite of the discomfort, I actually found this encouraging. I felt like it was God's way of reassuring me that I was very much pregnant. And boy, I have felt very much pregnant. More so than with any of my previous pregnancies. The nausea and fatigue have improved the past couple of weeks, but I'm still struggling with the issue of no food on earth sounding appealing the majority of the time, but then if I don't eat I get nauseated. A bit of an impass, eh? But what a glorious impass to be at! I am so dreadfully excited about this new baby that all the nausea, weird smells, fatigue, and overactive emotions in the world couldn't damper my spirits in the slightest.
Back to how I know this pregnancy is going so great though. Apart from the hormone induced problems, and, most importantly, an incredible peace from God, I have other proof that things are excellent. I've had two ultrasounds. One at 7 weeks, where I saw a bean with the most beautiful heartbeat in the whole entire world!! And one at 9 weeks, where Josh and I got to see a very squirmy, kicking, arm stretching little baby!! Both our jaws dropped in amazement at the sheer awesomeness of it. (Not sure if "awesomeness" is an actually word, but i'm going with it anyway.) I also had my first actual doctors appointment at 11 weeks and I'm measuring great and the heartbeat it strong and perfect. Things couldn't be going better! We just can't stop praising the Lord for His goodness and constant reassurance!
I will be going to see the specialist at some point in the next few weeks, so I will of course give you an update after that appointment, but as of right now things could be going more perfect with this baby's development. Thank you all so much for all your prayers. I can't tell you enough how much they mean to me. Honestly, what nicer thing can you do for a person other than lift them up in prayer? I can't think of one. And also, thank you all for being so genuinely excited and happy for us. It makes my heart smile to read your sweet words of congratulations. God is good, in spite of our circumstances in life; whether good or bad, happy or sad, how we want things to be or if things are the opposite of how we want them to be, God is still good. But we are full of praise that He has chosen to grant us such a wonderful blessing. Praise the Lord!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
It's almost midnight. I've been lying in bed for an hour now and should have been asleep a long time ago. Today was a great day, so I am surprised that tonight as I lay in bed my mind wandered to the "what if" area. That is a forbidden area that I try to not visit very frequently No good ever seems to come of it. It always ends the same; a box of tissues and me asking the same questions that God has already been so gracious to answer for me, even though He wasn't required to. As soon as I see myself heading in that direction I always try to change the course. But tonight my mind wandered there slowly, decieving my heart in the process, and before I knew it I was lying there missing Treyson more than I have in months. I am at peace with all aspects of Treyson's story, and the majority of the time I see his life as a special and unique gift from God, and inspite of the outcome, he was a blessing that I was so unworthy to have received.
But tonight I feel greedy. I know, that given the opportunity, Treyson wouldn't change the outcome of his life. He is perfect and living in perfection with Jesus at this very moment. He wouldn't come back here, even if he could. But tonight I want to change things. I want him back. I want to hold him. I want him here. Now.
He would be 13 months old right now if he were still alive. Just starting to walk and talk and discover the world in a whole new way. I feel cheated that I'm not getting to experience this. I'm not getting to watch him learn and grow. I'm not getting to love him here on earth like I feel like I should. I know that God doesn't make mistakes, and I in no way do I think that He is to blame. I just really really miss my baby. I would give anything to be able to hold him again, even for just a minute, and tonight it is breaking my heart that I can't.
But tonight I feel greedy. I know, that given the opportunity, Treyson wouldn't change the outcome of his life. He is perfect and living in perfection with Jesus at this very moment. He wouldn't come back here, even if he could. But tonight I want to change things. I want him back. I want to hold him. I want him here. Now.
He would be 13 months old right now if he were still alive. Just starting to walk and talk and discover the world in a whole new way. I feel cheated that I'm not getting to experience this. I'm not getting to watch him learn and grow. I'm not getting to love him here on earth like I feel like I should. I know that God doesn't make mistakes, and I in no way do I think that He is to blame. I just really really miss my baby. I would give anything to be able to hold him again, even for just a minute, and tonight it is breaking my heart that I can't.
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