Tonight my dad's side of the family,(the local ones anyway), went out to eat for my cousin's birthday. I was completely dreading it, and originally planned on not going. But at the last minute we decided to go. The reason I didn't want to was because I am irritated at them.
O.K., not irritated.
More like completely enraged.
Not a single one of my 8 cousins(15, counting there spouses. and that's just on my dad's side), ever acknowledged Treyson's birth or passing. Not one of them came to the funeral. Not one of them called. Not one of them sent a card, or even a email.
My dad's side of the family is notorious for sweeping any unpleasent issue under the rug and not mentioning them. A couple of years ago my parent's got divorced after 30 years of marriage. None of my dad's family even mentioned it. They basically acted like my mom never exisisted. It was okay with me at the time, because the last people I wanted to talk about it with was any of them.
But, in regards to the complete disregard to Treyson's life, to say that I have been angry would probably be the understatement of the century.
After talking to Josh, I decided to get over myself and attend my cousin's party. As we were walking in to the restaurant I started mumbling under my breath what I felt like saying to certain people. Josh set me straight and in turn I bit my tongue for the next hour and a half. It wasn't fun though, but I did it. It was an extreme exercise of self restraint.
As I was putting Luke to bed I was irritable and impatient. About 15 minutes later I started feeling guilty that we hadn't ended the evening on a happy note. I went in to Luke's room to tell him how much he means to me and that I was sorry for being impatient.
"Luke, you know I love you more than anything, right?", I told him.
"That's not right."
(His reply surprised me, but I knew where he was going with this.)
"You know you are supposed to love God the most.", he wisely informed me.
"Oh, you are right, baby. I love God the most. But you do know that you are one of the best gifts that God has ever given me, right?"
"Yeah, I know.", he replyed
Then he added, "I love God the most too."
He put his arms out like he was hugging a very large person, and said,
"This is me giving God a hug."
"That is so sweet", I told him.
"And this is me sending Treyson a hug.", he said as he continued the hugging of a large person motion.
"Aww. That very sweet, baby."
(on a quick side note: the majority of the time that I go to the cemetary I do it in the evening. Luke always tells me to tell Treyson that he loves him and that he sends him a kiss and a hug.)
"And this is me hugging all the dead babies."
That one threw me off for a minute.
But then I realized that he meant all the other babies in the cemetary, and I quickly recovered.
"That is really nice, Luke."
That short conversation with my son made all the previous unpleasent events of the evening bearable.
My anger immediately subsided.
My five year old had put life in perspective for me.
Thank the Lord for five year old boys.