Not my will, but your's be done.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


*I started this post Tuesday evening. It turned it to a novella and I got too tired to finish it. After cutting some of it out, I finally had a chance to finish it today.*

All endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time..."

I am so very blessed. I cannot begin to describe how I am feeling right now. I was having a not-so-good evening. Josh is working nights. I have become used to it, but at the same time I somewhat dread it. At night is when I usually feel the worst. I think part of it is probably the stress of the day and just being tired. But most of it is that I try very hard to not be upset in front of the kids. My Luke is a sensitive soul, and very perceptive. He can look at me and immediately know if I have been crying. I can see the concern in his face. He is very protective of me, and tries to comfort me and make me happy at all costs. So I do my best to not worry him by crying too much. I don't want him to carry that burden at such a young age.

Anyway, back to my evening. Around 5:00pm a friend of mine called asking if it was okay if she stopped by for a minute in an hour or two. I told her sure, that I would be home the rest of the evening. Little did I know that I was going to be invaded by some of the best friends a person could ask for. Five wonderful women showed up at my house bearing gifts. As I mentioned in my last post, tomorrow is Treyson's two month birthday. They had things for him that they had planned on putting out at his grave. But...Edouard had different plans. They decided to not put them out and risk having them blown away.

I can only begin to tell you how blessed I was by their visit. It wasn't the gifts,(which were absolutely great), or the cards,(which were so sweet and thoughtful), but it was their mere presence. After they left I started thinking about how sweet they were to take time out of their evening to come by just to say that they were think about me and praying for me. They are all mothers of one or more children. Their time is precious. And if their house is anything like my house, after supper is when everything falls apart. Children are tired and dirty, the kitchen is a mess, and nerves are running thin. Inspite of all of that, they showed up at my house, just to say that they cared. That is a friend.

I have had numerous friends over the course of my life. If you have read my previous post where I list all the places I have lived, well, the majority of those places represent friends made and lost. In all the places that I have lived, from Glimer on, I have had atleast one best friend that I was inseperable with. In Gilmer it was Kaki( Yes, Kaki. It is pronounced like the color khaki. I'm sure you have never heard that name. And I have never met another Kaki.). In Victoria it was Alice. In New Boston it was Marcy and Cindi, then Julie and Katy.

New Boston was the place that I live the longest growing up. 7 years. Through my years there I had some very close friends. When I was 16 I dealt with several different difficult things(I may possibly save those stories for another day. Maybe not). Over the course of the year I developed two VERY close friends. Julie and Katy. Whether they know it or not,(and knowing me they probably don't.), they helped me through a very difficult year in my life. We formed an extremely tight bond. When I found out, in July of 1996 that we would be moving to Kingsville in a matter of weeks, my heart broke. I did not want to leave when I had made what I considered to be the best friends a person could have.

The drive from New Boston to Kingsville was about 12 hours. We were quite a caravan. My dad and our dalmation, Gene, in the front in a moving truck and towing our little green Volkswagon Beetle. Next was my PawPaw and Uncle Mike in another full sized moving truck. They were followed by my Grandma in her car. Then was my mom and sister in our van. The caboose was my brother and I in the Oldsmobile Cutlass. I hung my left foot and arm out the window the entire time. Scared my grandma to death.

When we pulled up at our new house and I got out of the car, I burst in to tears. I had to quickly pull myself together though because half the varsity football team showed up to help unload the trucks. Did I mention that my dad was a football coach? Inspite of how sad I was, I had to look somewhat decent for the football team, right?

Over the course of the next year God provided a great group of Christian friends. They had been friends practically since birth. But they took me into their group like they had known me all their life. God's goodness is amazing. During that year I kept in contact with Julie and Katy. Julie and I through phone calls. Katy and I through her 27 page letters(and I honestly mean 27 pages. The girl could write!). The next summer I headed back to northeast Texas to spend a couple of weeks with them. While I was there I recieved more devestating news.

We were moving.


I was really heartbroken this time. God had blessed me with such a great group of friends. A group of best friends that I thought were unreplaceable. I was angry, sad, but also hardened.

In Port Neches I was blessed again with a group of Christian girls that took me into their group, in spite of the fact that it was our senior year and they had,(once again), practically been friends since birth. Out of all of them, Alison really took me under her wing. We became great friends. While we aren't as close as we used to be, I still see her a couple of times a week because we go to church together. She has no idea how much I appreciate how she stepped out of her comfort zone and made the effort to befriend me.

After our senior year we all went our separate ways. I went off to college and even though I came home frequently on the weekends, things weren't the same. We all started growing up, moving away, and getting married. Yet another opportunity to lose touch.

All of this background info is to kinda show you where I come from, friends wise. That is why I have been so touched and impressed with the women that I have in my life right now. I feel like the majority of my life has been spent making and then losing great friends. That has made me a little hesitant to put much effort in to the friendships that I now have, because I'm sure at some point we will all lose touch, right?

The past several months God has really opened my eyes to how blessed I really am in regards to friends. So many women,(not just the five that showed up tonight), have blessed my heart with the outspouring of love, sympathy, and caring. Josh and I were talking the other night about how nice it is to still have people telling us that they are praying for us. That is one of the most comforting things that we can hear these days. Just knowing that there are people in our life that care enough about us to still be praying for us.

Treyson's passing may be the end in some aspects, but it is also the beginning of many others.

The beginning of deeper friendships.

The beginning of a closer relationship between Josh and I.

The beginning of a deeper faith in the Lord and His plan for our life.