Not my will, but your's be done.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Big Scare

It has taken me until today to feel emotionally and physically up to posting the events of the past few days. But when I woke up today feeling like a million bucks compared to the previous days, I knew I was up to it.

Monday we had been having a relaxing Memorial Day. Josh was off from work so we had spent the morning swimming at my grandparent's house. We had been invited to a get together with a group of our friends from church, so that is how we planned on spending our late afternoon and evening. When Ray woke up from her nap we loaded up and headed out. We were about two miles down the road when I realized that I had forgotten Luke's swimsuit. We made a U-turn and headed home. I suddenly began bleeding very heavily.

By the time we pulled up in the driveway and I got out of the car the seat was soaked with blood. Not to mention my jeans down to the knees. I ran straight to the bathroom not knowing what to do, but trying to hide from the kids to keep from scaring them with all the blood, and to prevent a further mess. My mind was reeling. I sat there not even knowing what to do. The only thing I knew to do was get to the hospital . Josh called his mom and she came over immediately.

After a bit the heavy bleeding subsided. I got cleaned up and dressed and began pacing the house not knowing what our next step was. I was not prepared for this. I was convinced that something major was wrong and I would have to have the baby that day. I didn't have anything ready. No bags packed. Not lists of who to call, what to do with the dog and cats, and most importantly, no real plan for what to do with the kids. Luke saw blood on the towels and thought I had a bloody nose. I had to explain to him that we were going to the hospital and that we might have to stay for awhile.

He asked if the baby was still sick, and, for lack of a better explaination, I said yes. He got a worried look on his face and asked if the baby was making me sick too. I assured him that I wasn't sick, but that it might be time for the baby to be born.

Luke looked up at me and said, "Does the baby have his kidneys yet?"

"No," I replyed.

"When is he going to get them?", he asked.

"I don't know. He may not get them. We just have to pray and then wait and see."

He got even more serious and said, "Maybe God wants the baby to die."

I didn't have a good response for that. I just told him that maybe God wants the baby to be in heaven with him.

Josh's mom arrived in no time and we headed for the hospital. When we got to the hospital we were able to park pretty close to the entrance. We were halfway between the car and the front door when the bleeding started again. I just stood there, blood going everywhere. Down my leg, into my flip flop, and onto the ground. Josh took off running looking for someone to help or a wheelchair. I stood there frozen, again not knowing what I should do. After a few moments aI hobbled to the door, slipping around in my flip flop as I tried to walk. After what seemed like a very long time and alot of stares, someone arrived with a wheelchair.

They wheeled me straight up to a room, (which just happened to be the same room that I had Luke and Ray in). After getting cleaned up and finding myself in familiar surroundings, I relaxed a little bit.

They first did an ultrasound to try to determine the source of the bleeding. Since there is no amniotic fluid it is hard to see anything clearly. After alot of looking the tech said that the placenta looked good, which is a really good thing since a problem with the placenta would put the baby in danger. The ultrasound also estimated the baby's weight to be 2lb 12oz, give or take 6 oz. I was happy to hear that because I was unsure if the baby had even reached the 2lb mark. Small victory. The only negative discovery was that Tres was laying transverse(sideways). The transverse position makes a c-section be the only possible means of delivery. At that point it didn't bother me that much. The baby was stable and bigger than we thought and my bleeding had slowed down.

After about 5 hours I was able to go home on bed rest until I had an office visit with Dr. Cunningham. While I was in the hospital I was surrounded by supportive family member. Josh's parents, his brother, Brock, and his wife, Meagan, my mom, and Josh, of course. After I had my ultrasound and the initial tension was relived, Josh's parents went home and got all the cook out goodies that they had been preparing when all the drama started. We ended up having our Memorial Day celebration in my hospital room.

AFTER I had eaten a plate full of food and a glass of tea the nurse told me that I wasn't supposed to be eating or drinking anything just incase I had to have a c-section that night. Ooops.

The following afternoon,(Tuesday), I had an appointment with Dr C. I had the bad luck of bleeding all over the table while waiting for her to come into my room. We discussed the bleeding I was still having and she said that she thought that it would be best to go ahead and have the baby this week. This was very upsetting news. I told her that I wanted to do anything possible to prolong this pregnancy as long as possible.

We worked out a deal. It consisted of us cancelling our vacation which is scheduled for next week. I also had to take it easy at home and go back to the hospital if the bleeding got really heavy again. I could live with that. I was willing to do whatever I could to carry Tres as long as possible.

During my visit Dr C did an ultrasound and found a clot of blood. She estimated the clot to be about the size of a silver dollar. She also said that the baby was laying more breech than transverse now. Kind of at an angle with the feet first. That was good news.

As soon as we got home my doctors appointment I had another heavy bleed that, for the third time, got all over me and down the leg of my pants. Things did not seem to be going my way.

Wednesday was a very hard day, emotionally and physically. Not only was I still bleed continuously and fairly heavy, I was having alot of contractions and some very painful cramping. I kept thinking, "It is going to be soon. Very soon."

By the late afternoon the bleeding seemed to get a little heavier and Josh and I discussed what we should do. We decided to hold out a little longer and see what happened. We kept thinking that if I could just pass that clot that maybe the bleeding would stop.

Finally at about 6:30 I passed a clot pretty much exactly the size Dr C had estimated, (isn't she great?) Josh and I were very excited. We were hoping that this was the beginning of the end. And it was. The bleeding continued, but the cramps and contractions were almost immediately better.

I woke up today feeling great. The bleeding is still continuous, but much lighter. The cramping is much much better, as are the contractions. Therefore, my spirits are high.

Once again, we have been incredibly blessed. We have been surrounded by family and friends that have been loving, praying, and caring for us. I honestly could not ask for more supportive people in my life.

I will update soon. Until then,



sweet jenn said...

WOW!!! How awesome our God is...I praise Him daily for his watchful care over you and Tres. I am still praying for you you..


Heather said...

I love that you write this blog, Jess! It fills in gaps in the story, stuff you probably don't want to have to repeat over and over to a hundred people! I started crying as I read the dialogue between you and Luke! I am praying for him and his childlike love and faith!

I am so amazed daily how faithful you are, you are truly an inspiration to those of us who call God our refuge! He is SO GOOD!

What an honor it is to continue to lift you and your family up to Jesus! His promises never fail!