Not my will, but your's be done.



Thursday, July 31, 2008

You Turned My Mourning Into Dancing



"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing..."
-Psalm 30:11


Yesterday was quite a rollercoaster of emotions. I woke up not knowing how I was going to feel about that day. It was Treyson's due date. For most of the day I felt pretty good, even though it was on my mind often. But as evening came I felt the need to go to him. Josh agreed to put Ray to bed so I could go see him before it got dark. I had many thoughts running through my head as I replayed in my mind all the details from the day of his birth. I may write more about that another day, when I have alot of time and a box of tissues. But for now all I'll say is that I had alot of questions about why some of the details of the event unfolded the way that they did.


By the time I got home I had been crying and continued to do so off and on for the next several hours. Josh and I decided to watch a movie together. Most of our evenings consists of us watching tv for an hour or two together. If nothing is really on then we usually end up watching some kind of medical show and talking the whole time. Last night we ended up watching "The Notebook", which is a great love story and one of my favorite movies.

The movie ended around 10:45 p.m., which is a little past our usual bedtime. But, after talking, we ended up lighting a candle in honor of Treyson. We have a beautiful crystal cross that is a tea light candle holder. I like to burn candles in memory of Tres on Fridays, since he was born on a Friday, it marks the anniversary of his birth. But we decided that his due date was a good time to burn a candle too.

After that we ended up flipping channels on the tv. We discovered music channels way up in the 600's that we didn't know we had. I know you are probably asking yourself how we had channels that we didn't know about. We just recently got cable for the first time since we have been married. So I guess I'm just not cable savy yet. Anyway, back to the music channels.

There were about 25 music channels, of every kind you can imagine. We spent the next hour singing, and dancing, and laughing....and dancing. Oh, it was so much fun! We danced to everything: 80's, Reggae, you name it! After an hour I was worn out, but so happy.

Today I was thinking about how the evening changed from mourning to dancing and I thought about the verse in Psalms that speaks of the same. I was so thankful that God had given us that time together. It was nice to be able to remember Treyson with happy hearts instead of pure grief. I pray that God continues to provide the joy amidst the sorrow.

14 comments:

Michael Paine said...

He will!

:D

sweet jenn said...

Sounds like this was good therapy for you both. Hang in there...God will provide the strength you didn't know you ever had. I know He already has. We pray for you guys all the time!!! xoxo

Rooney's Little Musings said...

I'm so glad Treyson's due date had some joy in it! Keep Dancing!

Melanie said...

Jessica, this just made me smile. I love it when He does things like this! :) Continuing in prayer for you.

Heather said...

What a sonderful testimony! Thanks for sharing!

Heather said...

oops..that was supposed to say Wonderful! :)

Sara said...

Funny how in the midst of sorrow, music can be our refuge. I love music - singing, dancing, listening. I am glad that you found happiness and laughter in it as well.
Love you!

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