Not my will, but your's be done.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

So Very Heavy

Over the past 6 months or so I have being asking the Lord for something specific. I have been praying that He would reveal to me how He sees the world around me, and that He would give me the ability to love others the way that He loves them. I am not a naturally compassionate, sympathetic, and caring person. Of course I am to a certain extent towards my children, close friends, and close family. But in general I'm usually a, "Quit complaining and pull yourself up by your own boot straps" type of person. I don't pride myself on that fact, but like it or not, that's how I naturally am. In my sin nature, that is.

Now that the Lord has been transforming my heart it has been both a blessing, and a curse. I have come to realize that as Christ's love fills my heart, along with it comes a burden.

I've found myself so very heavy hearted for the lost around me.
I've found myself weeping and broken over the pain of virtual strangers.
I've found myself consumed to the point of near frensy trying to help those that some times don't even want my help.

Agh! It can be so frustrating at times!

I was telling my wise confidant whom shall remain nameless, that I don't know if I'm cut out to work at the Hope Center because at times I come across people with deep hurts, and I take it to heart so much that it is almost more than I can bear. I don't know if I get too involved emotionally, or if investing your emotions is the most excellent way to minister. Either way, I'm invested, and my heart is breaking.

So, to close this, I have two things weighing heavy on my heart right now that I would like to ask you all to fervently pray for:

1. There is someone in my life needs the Lord and I have seen evidence of the Holy Spirit working in their life. Pray for salvation for that person and their spouse.

2. I have a family that I want you to keep in your prayers. It is the family of one of my clients at the Hope Center. She is very young and trying to decided whether or not she is going to have an abortion. She is in much emotional pain, as are her parents. It is taking much retraint on my part to give her space and resign myself to just pray for her.


Momma Mango said...

I've often felt the same way about other people's hurts. I'm afraid I'll take them all to heart too much. I have a bachelor's degree in counseling but have not used it yet partly because of this issue... but I hope to one day.
Praying for you and also your other requests! So proud of you for what you are doing. God will provide you with the strength and wisdom you need.

sweet jenn said...

Your insightfulness is wonderful.

When we sing Hosanna in church my favorite verse to sing is this:

"Heal my heart and make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like you have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks yours. Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause. As I walk from life into Eternity."

We all need to have that love. It isn't a curse. It's just a side effect of God actually putting within your heart a spirit to truly be broken for the things that break His heart. We all need that, Jess, and I appreciate your willingness to see people the way Jesus sees people....and love on them.

BTW...thanks for asking me how I was Sunday. Seriously, nothing was, I guess I need to make a mental note that when I'm tired I should try to at least crack a smile