Not my will, but your's be done.

Friday, December 19, 2008

He Breaks Us to Make Us

As I was reading my Bible and devotional this morning the Lord really spoke to me. I found what I read to be enlightening and encouraging. I thought that I would share bits of what I read. I do want to add though, except for the scriptures this isn't word for word. It is another's idea rearranged by me.(I took waaaaay to many composition and literature classes in college, and the fear of receiveing and F for plagiarism due to improper documentation of my sources still haunts me to this day.)

There is a good reason God calls his people sheep. Sometimes they wander away fromthe paths he has mapped out for them.
A good shepherd will relentlessly search for a wayward sheep. Sometimes, if the sheep refuses to follow his master, the shepherd will take drastic action. He breaks the sheep's leg, places it upon his shoulders and carries the sheep until it learns total dependence. This is tough love-the shepherd breaks the sheep to make sure the sheep always follows the shepherd.
We may think that a God of love would never allow his children to feel any pain. But sometimes God breaks us to make us better. He may break our hearts so we will make room for him there. He may break our will so we can discover his will for us. He may break our physical strength so we discover that God's strength is made perfect in our weakness.

"Consider is pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so thaty you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault."
--James 1:2-5

"Dear friends, so not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you perticipate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed."
--1 Peter 4:12-13

Do not allow yourself to become bitter and turn away from God for breaking you. Instead, use that opportunity to develop a full reliance on him and complete trust in his plan for your life.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Christmas Lukisms

This one will be very short and sweet. Yesterday Luke made a few comments that were just too funny to keep to myself.

After church on the car ride home Luke informed us that in Sunday school he learned,

"Greet others as you want to be greeted."

Hum. Well, I guess that will work for now. He also said that he learned,

"Do to others as they do to you."

That one had to be re-taught the correct way. We don't exactly want him doing to others as they do to him. That could get nasty very quickly.

Then last night Luke called me in to his room for a little post-bedtime cover straightening. When I was hugging and kissing him again, he said,

"I had fun on the hayride tonight. We sang, Round Your Virgin, Mother and Son."

I couldn't respond because I was choking back laughter. Luke interpreted my silence as an invitation to sing his rendition of "Silent Night".

Hilarious, is all I can say.

And as a bonus, a few days earlier I caught him singing,

"Deck the hells with..."

He wasn't too sure of the words for the 'boughs of holly' part, so he just kinda mumbled something and added, "fa la la la la la la la la!"

That one also had to be corrected. I can't exactly have my child singing Deck the Hells to the shut-ins during the children's Christmas hayride. While I am fairly confident that the old folks wouldn't be able to understand his mispronunciation, I am quite sure that one of the other teachers would hear him very plainly. And we can't have folks thinking that's the kind of things I am teaching everyday in homeschool, now can we? So I said,

"Luke, it is deck the halls with boughs of holly."

His reply was,



"What are boughs?"

I found it amusing that he didn't have any questions as to why we would or wouldn't be decking the hells. My goodness.

So, Merry Christmas to all of you. While you are welcome to greet others as they greet you,(as long as they are greeting you in a friendly way, of course), please fore go all decking of the hells and rounding of the virgins.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Snow Day!

I got up at 3:15 this morning to check on the kids. If I haven't mentioned this already, I check on the kids compulsively during the night every night. Anyway, as I was walking back to bed I noticed an odd glow in the back yard through the kitchen windows. When I went to check it out, this is what I saw.
(Well, minus the cat. She came up later.)

Snow!!! I couldn't believe it! I woke Josh up and we went outside.
Then we woke Luke up and let him go out and play.

When Ray woke up in the morning I took her to the window to see the snow. She stared at it for about a minute and then yelled, "Snowman!" I'm not sure if she was calling the snow snowman, or if she wanted to make a snowman, or if she was just making the connection between snow and snowmen.

The kids had the best time!(even though they don't really look like it in this picture.)

We decided to have a full blown snow day. Snowman, hot chocolate with breakfast, hot bathes in the morning, warm cuddly clothes, and being wrapped up in blankets all day. I can't wait to enjoy the rest of the day!

Saturday, December 6, 2008

On Your 6 Month Birthday

My darling Treyson,

I miss you every second of every day. You have changed my life forever. You have impacted me in the deepest way, my sweet one, and in the process you taught me more about life than any other person. You drew me to the Lord. You strengthened my faith and taught me to trust and depend on the Lord in a way that I had not before. With that, you bought a peace to my life that I had never known. I spent the months before your birh resting in the peace of God. And the months after your birth resting in His comfort. You transformed my prayer life from a struggle and a chore, to a constant communion with the Father. You brought your daddy and I closer together and even further cemented our bond, and you gave me a deeper love and appreciation for your brother and sister.

While you were in my tummy I listened to your heart beat every night before bed. It became the rhythm of my life. Steady. Always beating. And you were quite the little night owl, always wiggling and kicking in the evenings and during the night. Often times I would wake up during the night to find you thumping on my belly, making sure that I knew that you were still there and that you were not giving up.

I always imagined that you had a quiet and somewhat shy personality. You hardly moved when things were noisy and I was busily going about my day. But when things got quiet and I got still you would start dancing. Kicking, pushing, wiggling. All the while, my hand was on you. Constantly letting you know that you were safe with me. I cherish our time together and I would have carried you in me forever if I could have.

In spite of not wanting to let you go, the day you were born will always be one of the best days of my life. Your birth was physically difficult and traumatic. As the doctor handed you to me she said that she wasn't sure if you had been able to survive what you had been through. But when they checked, there was your heart...still beating. That was when I had the chance to get a good look at how beautiful you were. You looked so much like Luke. You little nose was a carbon copy of your big brother's. Your fingers also reminded me of Luke. They were so long. I think you would have been tall.... I guess you get that from your Daddy. You also had a head full of wavy brown hair. When I washed your hair it was hard to get it all clean because it was so thick. Wavy brown hair was not at all what I expected, but it was beautiful. It fit you just right. Your tiny body was so perfect to me. Your eyes were so blue. I know that most newborns have blue eyes, but your eyes were the bluest I have seen. One of my favorite moments with you was when you cracked your little eye open and looked at me. You looked right in to my eyes. You knew that I was your mother, the one who had been loving you all these months.

When it came time to let you go...
God's grace and peace were big enough to comfort the pain.

Oh, my little fighter, thank you for not giving up. You were so very strong. Even with all the adversity you faced in the womb and during your birth you never gave up. You knew how much we all wanted to see you and love you for a while before we had to let you go. Thank you for enduring it all and allowing us to have you for one perfect hour here on earth, before going home to be with Jesus.

Being here with out you has been more crushingly painful than I could have imagined. We all miss you extremely. Your daddy and I talk of you daily, and Luke and Raylen mention you nearly as frequently. The times when we don't speak of you out loud, it is just because sometimes we miss you too much to say out loud how we feel in our heart. Even in the pain, God is still good. He continues to show me ways in which He is using your life. The far reaching good that has come from your life has been overwhelming. I still miss you terribly and long for the "what if" every day. But in spite of the pain of not having you here with me, I would never change the fact that you were here, even if just for a short while. The source of my greatest sorrow has also been the source of my greatest joy. I love you with everything in me and will continue to for the rest of my life. I am so very glad that I was chosen to be your mother.

With all the love in my heart,

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Her Enthusiasm is Exhausting

I had a conversation with Ray this morning that kept me in awe of her energy and enthusiasm, so I thought I'd share.

To start with, Ray, like most children, is a creature of habit. She has a routine that she goes through every morning without fail. When she wakes she yells one of three things. "Daddy!", "Mama!", or "binky!". If "binky" is what she is yelling for then the second I walk in the room she starts yelling, "Right dere! Right dere!", all while pointing furiously to where her pacifier is so that I can retrieve it for her. Once she gets it she is pacified, quite literally, so she moves to the next request on her agenda. "Rock! Rock! Rock!", she always chants. So I scoop her up and we migrate to the recliner where she likes to cuddle and rock. She milks the whole being the baby thing for all it's worth. After rocking a bit she starts asking for "juice". Since she repeats this routine every morning like clockwork I always make her juice cup the night before and then snag it out of the fridge and put it beside the recliner before I even get her out of her crib. Once she gets her juice she is right on to the next request, "TB Clues". That translates, "Will you turn on the tv, my darling mother? Because I would like to watch Blue's Clues." Ok, so maybe that isn't exactly how is translates, but I am sure that it is something along those lines. After about 15 minutes of that she begins saying, "Yogurt! Mama, get up!" If you haven't noticed, she is quite a demanding child. I am doing my best to teach her about respect and not having a bad attitude, but that is hard for me to convey to a not quite 22 month old. Luke has pretty much always been a good natured child. He's active and ALL boy, but he is also sentitive to others and has always been a pleaser. Ray, on the other hand, knows exactly what she wants and isn't going to relent until she gets it. She is stubborn and will push every limit. I'm still figuring out what is the best way to deal with her. I feel like all my previous parenting experience with Luke went right out the window and I am starting at square one.

Any way, usual way of demanding breakfast. This morning was no different than any other morning. She followed her usual routine. When it came to yogurt time she said, "Yogurt, Mama, yogurt."

I said, "Ok", but I didn't exactly move. I was exhausted this morning because I woke up at 3am and couldn't go back to sleep until 5am. In typical Raylen fashion, she wasn't interested in waiting for me to get good and ready to get out of the chair and get her some yogurt. She slid out of my lap, grabbed my hand, and started yelling,

"Get up! Get up, Mama! Yogurt! Help you!"(by help you she meant, "help you get up")

I couldn't really argue. She appeared to be starving, and since she isn't even two it isn't like she can get her own breakfast. So I got up and started trudging to the kitchen. Once she could see that I had detached myself from the chair she excitedly took off running for the kitchen. By the time I got in there she was yelling and pointing,

"PiePie boy! Right dere! Pilot! PiePie, right dere!"

To clarify, Pilot(aka PiePie), is Luke's boxer. He spends chilly nights like last night in a kennel in the kitchen. To say that Raylen adores Pilot would be and understatement. The girl LOVES that dog. Since the only thing she meant by all her excited yelling and pointing was to let me know that Pilot was right there, all I could say is,

"Yes, I see Pilot right there."

After repeating that part of the conversation about 3 times, each time her right there's got louder and more excited. By the third time she had reached a frenzy and looked as though she would explode from excitement if I didn't distract her immediately. I turned to the fridge to get out the yogurt. She quickly ran in front of me and started yelling,

"Yogurt, right there. 'Poon, right there!"

She continued to repeat this while pointing back and forth at the fridge and then the silverware drawer. Once I started feeding her the yogurt there was a whole new set of exclaimations. Between bites she was yelling,

"Bun bun, right dere!"(bun bun is her rabbit lovey)
"Good, bun bun! Aww! Good, bun bun! Bun bun wabbit, Mama! Bite yogurt, Mama!"

Very short pause. Just long enough to swallow a bite of yogurt, and then...

"PiePie boy! Awww! Good, PiePie! Mama, Pilot right dere! Bite yogurt!"

Another brief pause, and then back to...

"Bun bun, right dere! Aww! Hug bun bun! Hug bun bun, Mama!"

She barely gives me time to say, "Ok" and reach for bun bun to hug her before she is frantically pointing to the yogurt like she is seconds away from starvation,

"BITE! Yogurt right dere! Bite! Bite yogurt, Mama!"

Before I can set bun bun down and get her a bite she has her hands in the yogurt trying to get a bite herself. The yogurt on her hands causes her to start yelling,

"Sticky! Wipy hands, Mama!"

No sooner than I wipe off her hands and throw away the paper towel, and I have another emergency to deal with.

"Bun bun yucky! Need wipy bun bun, Mama!"

She hold bun bun out to me and adds another dramatic,

"Bun bun YUCKY, Mama!"

I look at bun bun to find the location of the yuckiness, but I can't see anything. My 2 second delay in tending to bun bun's needs causes Ray to feverishly point and bun bun's face, while screaming,


I spot a tiny piece of yellow lint. I proceed to pick the minute piece of lint off bun bun's face, look at the clock and realize that I have only been up for 20 minutes, and begin to wonder what adventures the day will hold.