Not my will, but your's be done.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Love, Treyson

I am not to the point where I feel like I can write about the experiences and emotions of the past few weeks yet. I don't know when that time will come, or even if it will come. But I have a letter that I would like to share with all of you. It was written by Josh's step-grandmother. She is one of the sweetest ladies in the world. It touched me deeply and meant a great deal to me, so I asked her permission to post it in my blog. She wrote it to Josh and I from Treyson. Here goes:

June 7, 2008

To my beautiful mother and my dad who loves her.

When you read this I will be gone leaving saddness to engulf you. Grieve only for a little while-then smile and remember. I will. I will remember the soft steady beat of your heart as I lay close to it in the warm safe place in which I grew. The outside touch of my Daddy's hand as he felt for my movement and to maybe hear a heartbeat. I always wanted to move happily and let my heart beat loudly to declare my love for you. Sometimes you noticed how strongly it beat. I was glad. I will always remember the happy laughter of my siblings at play, and your soft laughter as you watched with my dad. I do so wish that I had not rushed to get down here-but you see when the angel told me God had selected me to come to you, I hurried so fast I forgot to pack all my important parts. So now I have to go back, for I could not survive here without them. But remember I'm only a wink away. Just look for me in the flutter of a butterfly's wings. And listen for me in the song of a bird. Feel my touch in the soft summer breeze.
As you gaze far out to sea don't look for me. For you see, I'm much nearer. Much much nearer. I'm just across Jordan...and I'm waiting.

All my love,
Treyson Kemp Carlin


sweet jenn said...

Beautiful letter. Tears. praying for you and josh.

hugs and much love...jenn

Heather said...

I am moved to tears. What beautiful words!!! What a blessing she must be! Praying that God heals your broken hearts...I love you!

Melanie said...

This is beautiful Jessica. Our family is continuing in prayer for yours.

Matthew said...

Still at a loss for words, but know that you are always prayed for in the wee morning hours. We love you guys!
Krystal, Collette and Matthew

Sara said...

What a beautiful letter. I was so moved reading it. I am glad we found each other's blogs - maybe we can find healing in the other's words.
May God guide you through this difficult time.

Michael said...


Thank you so much for charting your journey this amazing event. I have cried and gotten chills... This blog has moved me and inspired me to have unshakeable faith in God no matter what the circumstance. It also has given me a new perspective on the children I have. How dear...special...precious...and fragile they really are. How easily moms take their children for granted until we hear and know someone like you who has suffered tremendous loss that absolutely takes your breath away. May your story of triumph, loss, pain and amazingness always be a beacon of hope for those of us not fortunate to travel in the furnace like yours and come out on the other side pure gold. A life worth praising God! Hold onto Jesus because he is the healer that will mend your's and Josh's heart. I am praying for your spirit I know it is crushed but "He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock and covers me there with His hand." We are engraved on the palms of His hands so He will be your stronghold always. With much appreciation for your lifesong...
Michael Paine