I am not to the point where I feel like I can write about the experiences and emotions of the past few weeks yet. I don't know when that time will come, or even if it will come. But I have a letter that I would like to share with all of you. It was written by Josh's step-grandmother. She is one of the sweetest ladies in the world. It touched me deeply and meant a great deal to me, so I asked her permission to post it in my blog. She wrote it to Josh and I from Treyson. Here goes:
June 7, 2008
To my beautiful mother and my dad who loves her.
When you read this I will be gone leaving saddness to engulf you. Grieve only for a little while-then smile and remember. I will. I will remember the soft steady beat of your heart as I lay close to it in the warm safe place in which I grew. The outside touch of my Daddy's hand as he felt for my movement and to maybe hear a heartbeat. I always wanted to move happily and let my heart beat loudly to declare my love for you. Sometimes you noticed how strongly it beat. I was glad. I will always remember the happy laughter of my siblings at play, and your soft laughter as you watched with my dad. I do so wish that I had not rushed to get down here-but you see when the angel told me God had selected me to come to you, I hurried so fast I forgot to pack all my important parts. So now I have to go back, for I could not survive here without them. But remember I'm only a wink away. Just look for me in the flutter of a butterfly's wings. And listen for me in the song of a bird. Feel my touch in the soft summer breeze.
As you gaze far out to sea don't look for me. For you see, I'm much nearer. Much much nearer. I'm just across Jordan...and I'm waiting.
All my love,
Treyson Kemp Carlin