Not my will, but your's be done.

Saturday, March 29, 2008


Thursday evening I was rocking my little girl to sleep. This is not our usual way of putting her to bed, but she hadn't been feeling well that day. When she laid her head on my shoulder and let me rock her I was more than willing. As she straddled me and sat on the bump that is her little brother or sister growing in my belly I felt very content. Then Tres got the hiccups and I couldn't keep from smiling. I was rocking my daughter to sleep while I felt my little one hiccup and wiggle. It was pure bliss while it lasted.

Later that evening I was on a website reading various stories of parents who have delt with situations similar to mine. These parents, like us, had had a child that was diagnosed with a fatal kidney defect and chose to carry their child to term. I cried as I read their stories, sympathizing with their pain. There was one story that had a profound effect on me. It was the story of a child with the exact diagnosis as Tres, bilateral renal agenesis. This is the medical terminology of the plain fact that our baby is absent of any kidneys whatsoever. They simply never formed. Anyway, back to the story. In a nutshell, they prayed for a miracle, and they got one. There child is now four years old and has two working kidneys. Praise God!

This story changed my persepective. All this time I have been thinking and saying that God can do anything and he is fully capable of healing our baby. But at the same time in every story that I had read of babies with the same diagnosis and similar diagnosises the child always dies. Reading a story like their's has sent me into even more fervent prayers than before. I know that God is good and has a huge purpose for Tres's life no matter how brief it may be. I am just begging and pleading with God that the purpose of our situation is that his miraculous healing powers be made evident in our lifes.


Heather said...

I am crying and praying with you. Thank you for starting this blog...I worry and pray for you daily. This is a great way for me to know what is going on in your mind and in your heart.

Praying, hoping and crying with you,

Heather said...

btw...I like the address and title of the blog. You are an inspiration to me!

Sharie said...

My baby girl, a mommy wants to protect her child from hurt and pain, but I can't do that for you and you can't do that for Tres. It's quite a helpless feeling and yet we both know the one who dries every tear, who heals the broken hearted, who is the Great Physician, and who made us in His image. And oh how that does fill us with hope. He is so able and I believe is so willing. I join you in fervently asking God for a miracle. Remember the words in James given to encourage us, "Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed and the heavens gve rain, and the earth produced its crops." The encouragement is that Elijah was just like us. We too can ask God for miracle.

We are all here to walk with you as much as we can, pray with you and hold your arms up when you get weary. Depend on God and allow us to be His ministers to you.

What a mixture of emotions I'm feeling for you right now. I'm hurting for you, I feel quite helpless, and I'm full of a deep sense of pride to see your awesome strength as you depend so totally on Him. "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Pr. 22:6. God keeps His promises and how blessed I am to see this promise fulfilled in you. I praise God with you and wait for the day to see you exclaim in praise as you observe your own children walking with the Lord, "God keeps His promises!"