I'm so sorry that part 2 of our adoption story has been such a long time coming. When I wrote part 1 I really intended to finish the story in the next day or two, but I didn't get the chance so it kind of got pushed to the side. If you missed part 1 or need a refresher you can read it here. As Paul Harvey would say, And now, the rest of the story....
July 1, 2010
The majority of this day was probably like any other. Typical Texas summer day. Hot and humid. We probably went swimming. I don't recall what we had for dinner or what particular activities we did that day. It was just a normal day.
That evening, after the kids were in bed, I got on the computer and was surfing around. I ended up on blogger, which was a rare thing for me those days. I had been so sick and tired during my pregnancy with Kellen, that I pretty much quit blogging and reading blogs all together. It was during my pregnancy though, that God started doing some amazing things in mine and Josh's life spiritually. Looking back I see that God was just paving the road to where he was leading us. I love how he does that. Rarely does he just drop a radical life altering plan on his children, without first preparing their hearts.
So there I was, surfin' the net, and I started to do the blog hop. To this day, I'll never know how I ended up on the blog that changed everything. I've gone back in my mind several times and tried to figure out how I ended up there, but I can't figure it out. I guess I followed the blog chain somehow and God guided my clicks.
I found myself on the blog of an adoptive mother who had recently returned from Eastern Europe with her two new daughters in tow. If you will remember, I hadn't read any adoption blogs for over a year. I casually began reading the post I had been linked to. It was a heavy hearted post. She talked about the conditions that her daughters had lived in when they were orphans.
She talked about laying rooms.
And medicated children.
And urine soaked cribs.
And institutions.
And neglect.
And dehydration.
And then she showed pictures of the ones she had to leave behind.
It was too much for my heart to bear. I sat at the computer sobbing. While I had always had a special place in my heart for orphans, I had never felt anything like this. The grief I felt for "the least of these" felt unbearable. The scales had been removed from my eyes, and I felt so utterly overwhelmed by the desparate nature of their situation. I didn't even have that, "I have got to DO something" feeling yet. I just felt grief.
I was still sitting there crying when Josh walked in. Crying is not a regular thing for me, and he looked shocked to see me that way. He tried to comfort me and asked what was wrong. I just mumbled that I had read something sad and that I was going to take a shower.
I stood in the shower crying and praying. At first I didn't even know what to pray because I just felt so sad. Something in my heart had been changed and I was pretty sure that I could not just go on being the same person I was before. I had no idea what I could do, but I knew that I had to do something.
I prayed,
Lord, my heart is so full. I can't sit and do nothing. You have got to put mine and Josh's hearts on the same page. Give us the same desire, whatever that desire may be.
After praying, the best I could through the emotions of my broken heart, I got out of the shower feeling the Lord's peace. He would work his will in our lives in his timing. I got dressed and walked back in to our bedroom to find Josh's sitting in front of the computer crying. Hard. Apparently, I left the blog post I just read was still pulled up on the computer screen. When I got in the shower, Josh had sat down and read what I had just read. I found him in the same state that I had just been in. His heart was broken. He turned to me and said, "We HAVE to do something. Now." I told him that he really didn't have a clue as to how much adoptions from Eastern Europe cost. I explained that from the research I had done in years past, that adoptions from those countries are expensive and the travel is long and you have to make more than one trip to adopt. I totally expected this to deter him. Money had been the main issue when we had discussed adoption in the past. I saw hurting children. He saw dollar signs. Lots and lots of dollar signs. Dollar signs that represented money that we did not have, or have any hopes of having anytime soon. Being that he is the sole provider for our family, I don't really blame him for being concerned with the money aspect of such a huge commitment.
So I reminded him of all those dollar signs that were floating in front of his eyes the last time we broached the topic of adoption. It didn't deter him in the slightest. He said that he didn't care about the money, that we "had to do whatever it takes" to get to those children and rescue them.
Where had my husband gone, and who was this man?? Had the Lord seriously answered the prayer I had just prayed like 5 minutes ago in the shower? The same prayer that I had prayed over a year ago when I surrendered my adoption desires to the Lord? When I had prayed it I truly thought that I was giving up my dream for good. Now God was giving it back to me. Josh was not only fully on board with adopting, he was passionate about rescuing orphans. God ignited something in Josh's heart that my poking, proding, and pushing never could have. My best efforts might have gotten Josh to reluctantly go along with my wishes. But the Holy Spirit had lit a flame in him that no one on earth could put out.
In the months that have passed since that time, Josh's passion hasn't wavered in the slightest. The hand of God writing on the wall could not have made the Lord's call for us to adopt any clearer. We have never doubted it for one minute. We may have had times of discouragement and fear, but never have we questioned if this was truly were God has lead us. I don't think that it is possible for God to have made it any clearer to us. It took a couple of months for me to navigate through my fears of what all adoption from Eastern Europe entails, but once again, Josh never wavered for one moment. We had no clue how God's plan would be accomplished in our life. It seemed so incredibly impossible. But we have been shown, time and time again, that with God, all things are possible.
The end of this story is yet to be written. I fully believe that the Lord's hand will continue to be on us as we follow him in obedience. There are still aspects of this adoption that terrify me, but I trust that God will give me the strength to obey him. In spite of the fears, I look forward to the rest of this journey. I long for the day when I can hold my little boy in my arms. God is good, and he is able to do exceedingly more than I could ask or even imagine. Praise be to the one who fulfills my dreams in ways I never thought possible. He is truly the giver of all good things. I cannot wait to see what he has in store for us in the months to come.
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
I think it's time to share....
our story.
Our adoption story. How this whole journey began and why. This could be a novel, so I'm going to do my best to summarize and just hit the high points. We'll see how that goes.
I've wanted to adopt...for like, forever. I had a desire to adopt long before I ever had the desire for biological children. I wasn't one of those typical girls growing up who day dreamed about their wedding, and their future children. I never sat around wondering how many kids I would have and what their names would be. I just didn't. I didn't not like kids. I baby sat alot as a teenager and was comfortable around kids and thought babies were cute. But I didn't desire children or motherhood. I was super boy crazy, so there was no doubt that there would be marriage in my future(hopefully sooner, than later), but the whole white-picked-fence-stay-at-home-mommy-of-several-children thing? Um, no thanks. A hot husband and a cool career was pretty much my life goals as a teenager. One day, when I was married, successful, and ancient(like 35), I would have a couple of kids. I had no real desire to give birth, so I thought it would be cool to adopt. Help someone less fortunate or whatnot. So when I became this really old dried up 35 year old, I just adopt me a couple of a kids. That was my plan.
Then college came around, and after a couple of years of trying to head down the career path that I thought I wanted, it came to decision making time. The career I was pursing was 7 day a week(usually), 12-15 hours a day, high stress, life consuming job, that didn't leave room for a family. Not only that, but it was going to take me a good 8 years or so, from that point, to finish all the necessary schooling, training, and qualifications, to be able to achieve my desired career. By that point(about 20 or 21 years old), I was starting to feel my first motherly pangs. I started thinking, maybe it would be cool to be a mom one day(not that I had despised the idea before that, it just had not ever been something I had given much thought to). So I decided to abandon my career dreams and pursue a more "family friendly" career. Teacher education. That sounded like a good career for someone who was going to possibly be a mom one day. Plenty of family time in the evenings and weekends and summers, because Lord knows I wouldn't be staying at home, homeschooling or anything crazy like that. Sometimes it's fun to look back at the plans I had for myself and just laugh.
Over the next couple of years my desire to have children grew, but the desire to adopt never faded. After Luke was born you would think that the completely amazing and forever life changing experience of becoming a mother would diminish any previous desire I had to adopt a child. But it did just the opposite. After Luke's birth it was like a switch flipped in me. I began to realize what an amazing gift a child is. An utter miracle. The idea that there were children out there somewhere in the world that didn't have parents that felt about them how I felt about Luke, was appalling to me. I would love that child, where ever he or she may be. That warm fuzzy feeling of "it would be so neat to adopt one day", turned in to a burning desire of "I KNOW adoption is in my future". I knew that I was capable of deeply loving a child that I didn't give birth to. I wanted to be a mother to a child whose mother either couldn't, wouldn't, or didn't want to be a mother.
Josh and I get married and over the next several years the topic of adoption is brought up. Often. I won't say that Josh completely resisted, but he wasn't passionate about it like I was. We'll just say that he was ambivalent, at best.
We had Raylen. That didn't slow me down too much. I dropped bits of adoption information here and there. I knew that it was not the right time for us to adopt right then, but I didn't want Josh to think that I had lost interest. I guess I thought if he heard it mentioned enough, that it would get stuck in his brain or something. He was still ambivalent though.
Then we had Treyson. I stayed in a grief induced mental and emotional fog for months after his death. Once the fog lifted, I was back on the adoption train. FULL FORCE this time. Treyson showed me how short life is and that it must be lived to the fullest. I did not want to live my life with regrets. I was so wounded from the loss of Treyson, that while I still had a desire for another child, I was unsure if I ever wanted to be pregnant again. That made the thought of adoption even more appealing. I was adoption crazed! I read adoption websites, adoption blogs, adoption anything I could get my hands on. I showed Josh videos and articles and pictures. Still, there was nothing but a polite, "That's cool", on his part. The more I pushed, the more he resisted.
Before you go thinking that Josh is heartless or anything, he is actually the exact opposite. He is a very tenderhearted person with the spiritual gifts of service and mercy. He has such a servant's heart and is always putting other's needs before himself. That is why it baffled me that he wasn't completely on board with this adoption thing. He felt sorry for orphans and the less fortunate and had a desire to help them, but it wasn't the permanant kind of help that I had in mind. The best I could get out of him, as far as a commitment to adopt, was that one day a long time away when we had more money a bigger house and older kids, he might consider us adopting. And let's just face it, the only reason I got that much out of him is because Josh rarely tells me no to anything. This was his way out of committing to something he didn't want to do, yet not have to straight up tell me "no". (oh, and did I mention that the man doesn't like confrontation, either?)
By this point I was really frustrated. I was passionate about adopting one day, and Josh just plain wasn't. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Here I was with a deep passion for something that I thought that God had called me to do one day, yet it seemed like that day would never come. I couldn't force Josh into agreeing to adopt. That has to be something that you go into in complete agreement. And even if I could get him to agree to it, that wasn't the way I wanted to do it. That wouldn't be fair to a child. I wanted Josh to be just as passionate about the whole thing as I was, but he wasn't.
I was faced with a decision. I could either 1. Continue down the path I was on of trying to convince Josh that adoption was a wonderful thing and we needed to do it in a couple of years, or 2. Let go and give it to God.
As much as the thought pained me, I knew that the right thing to do was to give it to God. That meant, completely taking my hands off of it, and trusting that if God had truly called me to adopt, then he would call my husband to the same thing at some point.
So on April 29th, 2009, I gave my desires to adopt to the Lord and stopped trying to control my husband and force him in to MY calling. If you are wondering how I know the exact date, it is because I journaled it in my spiritual journal. I don't journal alot, usually only fervent prayer requests and petitions to the Lord, and other major things. But this was a major thing to me. On this day I completely let go of it. As painful as I anticipated it being, it really wasn't. It was freeing. It was no longer my issue. I prayed that God would give Josh and I the same vision, in regards to adoption, whatever that vision may be. I was truly willing to give up my dream, if that was what God had for me.
Giving it to God gave me so much peace. I quit the research. I quit the adoption blogs and websites. I quit talking to Josh about it. I quit dwelling on it all together. I thought that this would be very hard, but really it wasn't. I had full faith that if it was meant to be, that the Lord would give it back to me, this time with Josh on board. And if it wasn't meant to be, then that meant that he had something even better planned for my life. Because he does know best, you know?
Surrender, again.
Two months later, I found out that I was pregnant with Kellen. It briefly crossed my mind that maybe this was somehow God's final answer about the whole adoption thing. That thought hurt, but I chose to trust that whatever his will was, that was best.
The months rolled by. No adoption talk. No adoption thoughts. If I heard of someone adopting I would think that it was wonderful for them, but in the back of my mind I thought that that was probably all it would ever be. Someone else's adoption story. If the Lord was calling me to minister in another way, then I was willing to do it.
Surrender.
Surrender.
Surrender.
Then July 1, 2010 happened.
And I will never be the same.
Our adoption story. How this whole journey began and why. This could be a novel, so I'm going to do my best to summarize and just hit the high points. We'll see how that goes.
I've wanted to adopt...for like, forever. I had a desire to adopt long before I ever had the desire for biological children. I wasn't one of those typical girls growing up who day dreamed about their wedding, and their future children. I never sat around wondering how many kids I would have and what their names would be. I just didn't. I didn't not like kids. I baby sat alot as a teenager and was comfortable around kids and thought babies were cute. But I didn't desire children or motherhood. I was super boy crazy, so there was no doubt that there would be marriage in my future(hopefully sooner, than later), but the whole white-picked-fence-stay-at-home-mommy-of-several-children thing? Um, no thanks. A hot husband and a cool career was pretty much my life goals as a teenager. One day, when I was married, successful, and ancient(like 35), I would have a couple of kids. I had no real desire to give birth, so I thought it would be cool to adopt. Help someone less fortunate or whatnot. So when I became this really old dried up 35 year old, I just adopt me a couple of a kids. That was my plan.
Then college came around, and after a couple of years of trying to head down the career path that I thought I wanted, it came to decision making time. The career I was pursing was 7 day a week(usually), 12-15 hours a day, high stress, life consuming job, that didn't leave room for a family. Not only that, but it was going to take me a good 8 years or so, from that point, to finish all the necessary schooling, training, and qualifications, to be able to achieve my desired career. By that point(about 20 or 21 years old), I was starting to feel my first motherly pangs. I started thinking, maybe it would be cool to be a mom one day(not that I had despised the idea before that, it just had not ever been something I had given much thought to). So I decided to abandon my career dreams and pursue a more "family friendly" career. Teacher education. That sounded like a good career for someone who was going to possibly be a mom one day. Plenty of family time in the evenings and weekends and summers, because Lord knows I wouldn't be staying at home, homeschooling or anything crazy like that. Sometimes it's fun to look back at the plans I had for myself and just laugh.
Over the next couple of years my desire to have children grew, but the desire to adopt never faded. After Luke was born you would think that the completely amazing and forever life changing experience of becoming a mother would diminish any previous desire I had to adopt a child. But it did just the opposite. After Luke's birth it was like a switch flipped in me. I began to realize what an amazing gift a child is. An utter miracle. The idea that there were children out there somewhere in the world that didn't have parents that felt about them how I felt about Luke, was appalling to me. I would love that child, where ever he or she may be. That warm fuzzy feeling of "it would be so neat to adopt one day", turned in to a burning desire of "I KNOW adoption is in my future". I knew that I was capable of deeply loving a child that I didn't give birth to. I wanted to be a mother to a child whose mother either couldn't, wouldn't, or didn't want to be a mother.
Josh and I get married and over the next several years the topic of adoption is brought up. Often. I won't say that Josh completely resisted, but he wasn't passionate about it like I was. We'll just say that he was ambivalent, at best.
We had Raylen. That didn't slow me down too much. I dropped bits of adoption information here and there. I knew that it was not the right time for us to adopt right then, but I didn't want Josh to think that I had lost interest. I guess I thought if he heard it mentioned enough, that it would get stuck in his brain or something. He was still ambivalent though.
Then we had Treyson. I stayed in a grief induced mental and emotional fog for months after his death. Once the fog lifted, I was back on the adoption train. FULL FORCE this time. Treyson showed me how short life is and that it must be lived to the fullest. I did not want to live my life with regrets. I was so wounded from the loss of Treyson, that while I still had a desire for another child, I was unsure if I ever wanted to be pregnant again. That made the thought of adoption even more appealing. I was adoption crazed! I read adoption websites, adoption blogs, adoption anything I could get my hands on. I showed Josh videos and articles and pictures. Still, there was nothing but a polite, "That's cool", on his part. The more I pushed, the more he resisted.
Before you go thinking that Josh is heartless or anything, he is actually the exact opposite. He is a very tenderhearted person with the spiritual gifts of service and mercy. He has such a servant's heart and is always putting other's needs before himself. That is why it baffled me that he wasn't completely on board with this adoption thing. He felt sorry for orphans and the less fortunate and had a desire to help them, but it wasn't the permanant kind of help that I had in mind. The best I could get out of him, as far as a commitment to adopt, was that one day a long time away when we had more money a bigger house and older kids, he might consider us adopting. And let's just face it, the only reason I got that much out of him is because Josh rarely tells me no to anything. This was his way out of committing to something he didn't want to do, yet not have to straight up tell me "no". (oh, and did I mention that the man doesn't like confrontation, either?)
By this point I was really frustrated. I was passionate about adopting one day, and Josh just plain wasn't. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Here I was with a deep passion for something that I thought that God had called me to do one day, yet it seemed like that day would never come. I couldn't force Josh into agreeing to adopt. That has to be something that you go into in complete agreement. And even if I could get him to agree to it, that wasn't the way I wanted to do it. That wouldn't be fair to a child. I wanted Josh to be just as passionate about the whole thing as I was, but he wasn't.
I was faced with a decision. I could either 1. Continue down the path I was on of trying to convince Josh that adoption was a wonderful thing and we needed to do it in a couple of years, or 2. Let go and give it to God.
As much as the thought pained me, I knew that the right thing to do was to give it to God. That meant, completely taking my hands off of it, and trusting that if God had truly called me to adopt, then he would call my husband to the same thing at some point.
So on April 29th, 2009, I gave my desires to adopt to the Lord and stopped trying to control my husband and force him in to MY calling. If you are wondering how I know the exact date, it is because I journaled it in my spiritual journal. I don't journal alot, usually only fervent prayer requests and petitions to the Lord, and other major things. But this was a major thing to me. On this day I completely let go of it. As painful as I anticipated it being, it really wasn't. It was freeing. It was no longer my issue. I prayed that God would give Josh and I the same vision, in regards to adoption, whatever that vision may be. I was truly willing to give up my dream, if that was what God had for me.
Giving it to God gave me so much peace. I quit the research. I quit the adoption blogs and websites. I quit talking to Josh about it. I quit dwelling on it all together. I thought that this would be very hard, but really it wasn't. I had full faith that if it was meant to be, that the Lord would give it back to me, this time with Josh on board. And if it wasn't meant to be, then that meant that he had something even better planned for my life. Because he does know best, you know?
Surrender, again.
Two months later, I found out that I was pregnant with Kellen. It briefly crossed my mind that maybe this was somehow God's final answer about the whole adoption thing. That thought hurt, but I chose to trust that whatever his will was, that was best.
The months rolled by. No adoption talk. No adoption thoughts. If I heard of someone adopting I would think that it was wonderful for them, but in the back of my mind I thought that that was probably all it would ever be. Someone else's adoption story. If the Lord was calling me to minister in another way, then I was willing to do it.
Surrender.
Surrender.
Surrender.
Then July 1, 2010 happened.
And I will never be the same.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Orphan Sunday
I'm going to link to a post that I feel that every Christian adult should read. It speaks of the conditions in special needs mental institutions in Eastern Europe. The images the words paint are difficult to wrap your mind around, but the photograph is heart shattering.
Alot of people have asked us, "Why Eastern Europe?" We have been informed that there are special need children all around the whole, including right here in our own backyard(USA). This is so very true. There are children all around the world, the United States included, that are in desperate need of someone to show them the love of Christ. They need to be shown, tangibly, what Christ's love looks like, in their desperate time of need. God is looking for Christian men and women to be his hands and feet to orphans everywhere. God is the one who placed Eastern Europe in our hearts. It is, by far, one of the more difficult routes to take, for a family of our size and financial standings and if it had been our choice, we would haven't picked it. But it is the road God called us to, and after choosing to follow him in obedience, we now see why this is what he had planned for us. His call to our family right is to a little boy in Eastern Europe, who is scheduled to be transferred to a mental institution this month. We are crying out to the Lord daily on his behalf, that this will not happen. Mental institutions are no place for four year old little boys. The Lord is mighty to save, and that is exactly what we are asking of him for Daniel.
While I am not trying to be a downer or ruin anyones weekend, I am trying to raise awareness of the plight of special needs orphans in Eastern Europe. If not adopted, there is no hope for them whatsoever. The statistics I have read say that between 80-85% of children die within a year of being transferred from the "Baby House"(orphanage) to an institution. While abuse and neglect do exisist in some of the orphanages and institutions(as it does all over the world, including in the homes of your friends and neighbors), the poor conditions of older special needs orphans in EE stems more from poverty, than from abuse and neglect.
Please read this post written by a mom and dad who recently returned home from Eastern Europe, bring with them a son whom they adopted from an institution in the same country where Daniel is located. Their hearts are so very full from what they witnessed while in the process of adopting their son. Consider it your duty as a Christian(and in honor of Orphan Sunday, which is today), that you will allow yourself to become aware. You may feel uncomfortable, sad, or down right broken hearted after reading it, but avoiding the truth would just be wrong. Just because you live the American dream, doesn't mean that you can turn a blind eye to people(especially children) who are not so fortunate as to be born middle class Americans. November is adoption awareness month, so be prepared to become aware.
*I may have some minors who have come across my blog via Facebook, or a link from another blog. If this is the case, please check with your parents before reading the blog post that I link to. As your parents, they should be the ones to decided if the article/photograph is appropriate for your viewing. Thanks for your cooperation in showing this respect to your parents.*
Alot of people have asked us, "Why Eastern Europe?" We have been informed that there are special need children all around the whole, including right here in our own backyard(USA). This is so very true. There are children all around the world, the United States included, that are in desperate need of someone to show them the love of Christ. They need to be shown, tangibly, what Christ's love looks like, in their desperate time of need. God is looking for Christian men and women to be his hands and feet to orphans everywhere. God is the one who placed Eastern Europe in our hearts. It is, by far, one of the more difficult routes to take, for a family of our size and financial standings and if it had been our choice, we would haven't picked it. But it is the road God called us to, and after choosing to follow him in obedience, we now see why this is what he had planned for us. His call to our family right is to a little boy in Eastern Europe, who is scheduled to be transferred to a mental institution this month. We are crying out to the Lord daily on his behalf, that this will not happen. Mental institutions are no place for four year old little boys. The Lord is mighty to save, and that is exactly what we are asking of him for Daniel.
While I am not trying to be a downer or ruin anyones weekend, I am trying to raise awareness of the plight of special needs orphans in Eastern Europe. If not adopted, there is no hope for them whatsoever. The statistics I have read say that between 80-85% of children die within a year of being transferred from the "Baby House"(orphanage) to an institution. While abuse and neglect do exisist in some of the orphanages and institutions(as it does all over the world, including in the homes of your friends and neighbors), the poor conditions of older special needs orphans in EE stems more from poverty, than from abuse and neglect.
Please read this post written by a mom and dad who recently returned home from Eastern Europe, bring with them a son whom they adopted from an institution in the same country where Daniel is located. Their hearts are so very full from what they witnessed while in the process of adopting their son. Consider it your duty as a Christian(and in honor of Orphan Sunday, which is today), that you will allow yourself to become aware. You may feel uncomfortable, sad, or down right broken hearted after reading it, but avoiding the truth would just be wrong. Just because you live the American dream, doesn't mean that you can turn a blind eye to people(especially children) who are not so fortunate as to be born middle class Americans. November is adoption awareness month, so be prepared to become aware.
*I may have some minors who have come across my blog via Facebook, or a link from another blog. If this is the case, please check with your parents before reading the blog post that I link to. As your parents, they should be the ones to decided if the article/photograph is appropriate for your viewing. Thanks for your cooperation in showing this respect to your parents.*
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I'm Paper Pregnant!!!
I can finally announce it!!
This little fellow is going to be ours!!
Isn't he just a little cutie-pie?! I'm sure that 99% of you have already followed the links that I have posted, and therefore, seen his picture. But I just HAD to post it myself! I've been waiting on Reece's Rainbow to give me the go ahead to make my official announcement. But the director was out of town for several days, and then they have been completely updating their website, so our annoucement got delayed a little bit. Better late than never, right?! We just could not be more excited about our new little addition! While I don't think that Ray completely understands, she always gets excited to see Daniel's picture or hear us talk about him. Luke, on the other hand, totally gets it and is TOTALLY stoked! Daniel's picture is on our fridge and every morning when Luke walks in the kitchen he says, "Good morning, Daniel!" He is so excited! It truly blesses my heart to see how excited the kids are about adding Daniel to our family.
There are still alot of unknows with our adoption. We are moving as quickly as we can, but there is still a chance that he will be transferred. Prayer warrior, get to praying!
As for other adoption updates:
-we've faxed all vaccination records for our pets to our social worker
-official copies of all of our birth certificates have been faxed to our social worker
-we've complete the health checks needed for all family members for our homestudy
-Josh and his dad cut apart and hauled off our storage building that was demolished in hurricane Ike and has been laying in a crumpled pile at the back fence for the past 2 years.
-Josh and I re-assembled the dog/chicken pen on higher ground, and our little Chica now has quite a bit of stomping ground
-more faxing, more emailing, more errands, and email some more!
It's all worth it though, to get our little guy home where he belongs! There is a lady whom I met through the Reece's Rainbow yahoo group, that is adopting a little boy from the same orphanage as Daniel! Her and her husband are over there RIGHT NOW and I have been getting daily emails from her letting me know what is going on. She has gotten to see, observes, and even HUG my Daniel! I'm hanging on to every tib bit of information she sends me way! My Daniel and her Timothy even share a cubby that holds their shoes, coats and such. We we both get our little guys home we will definitely have to get the together at some point for a reunion!
Gotta run! As soon as our information on the Reece's Rainbow page is fully updated, then I will post a link to it. I'll also post soon on what life is like for Daniel in the orphanage, per Mel's descriptions. Until then, you are more than welcome to pray for speedy paperwork process and a smooth homestudy for us! Also, there is still a diamond ring raffle fundraiser going on for Daniel here. Check it out, donate, and maybe win a diamond ring!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
How the Lord Used the Undies Drawer
*I honestly could not figure out what to title this post, so I went with that. This is a reeeeeaaallly long post, but you gotta hang in there 'til the end to find out the meaning behing the title.*
God is so good. So completely and utterly good. At times, it leaves me speechless. But this is not one of those times. This time is one of those times where God's goodness has me bursting at the seams! I literally can't keep quiet about how amazing it has been to see his hand guide us in the past several days.
It has been almost two weeks since I posted my prayer request post. After I posted that request I stepped my adoption research up a notch. Even I didn't know that was possible. It already felt like I was going fast a furious with it. When we surrendered to the call to adopt, we started broad, considering every possible country to adopt from and method by which to adopt. We didn't want to limit God in anyway, or just assume that he was leading in a certain direction. We knew that he called to adopt special needs, but that is a VERY broad catagory. Not only is it a broad catagory, but there are orphans in every country that the United States is allowed to adopt from that fit into the special needs catagory. So while we had narrowed it down a little, there was still much whittling to do to narrow it down further. After researching different countries, we learned that we are not eligible to adopt from all countries. Each country has its own set of requirements that foreigners(that would be us) have to meet, and we don't meet every country's criteria. Stupid rules, if you ask me. But nobody asked me. So while I'm not a fan of the guidelines of some countries, I chose to see it as God closing that door and narrowing down our search.
I pretty much had ruled out international adoption for now, and narrowed it down to a very awesome Christian agency in Houston, or a CPS adoption through Buckner. We have done the first part of the preliminary paperwork with both and it was time to pick a path and take the next step. Problem was, Josh wasn't completely on board with either.
Ugh.
Every time I tried to get his opinion about which way we should go, he would say he didn't have a peace about either.
Double ugh.
When God originally called us to adopt he did it through our discovery of the plight of special needs orphans in Eastern Europe(GREAT story that I still plan on sharing with you when I get the chance). When we decided to adopt, we knew that we would be adopting a special needs child from that part of the world one day, but we didn't know if that was exactly where God was calling us to adopt from right now. If you know much about adoption at all, you know that international adoption is a different and more difficult process, in many ways, than domestic adoption. And on top of that, adopting from the majority of the countries in Eastern Europe is a completely different ball game. Very early in the research game it was as though that door was quickly shut. The Ukraine and Russia are VERY expensive to adopt from and they require TWO semi-extended trips to finalize your adoption. Plus BOTH parents have to travel for the first trip.
Paying between $50,000-$80,000 to be away from my children for about 6 weeks not only seemed impossible, but I didn't WANT to do it. Door shut. Just can't do that right now. I kept telling Josh that the exorbitant amount of money wasn't the problem. Whether the adoption costs $1000 or $100,000, God is going to have to provide the money. Plain and simple, we don't have it. The scary, and nearly impossible, part of an Eastern European adoption, for me, is the travel. Being away from my children for that amount of time(overseas, none the less) is not something I feel capable of doing. Just can't.
Regardless, that is where Josh's heart was. Even after I laid out all the facts for him about why it just couldn't work right now, that's still where his heart was at. To be 100% honest, my heart was in Eastern Europe also, but I could not fathom such a difficult undertaking at this point in my life. And by "difficult undertaking" I mean, to adopt from the area of the world that I consider to be hardest, at least in my opinon.
We reached this dead lock about a week ago. I was frustrated, to say the least. All my countless hours of researching various countries and agencies and methods of adoption, only to have Josh and I not be able to whole-heartly agree.
Then Josh had to pull a typical "Josh". He said that even though his heart was in the Ukraine, he understood how I felt about traveling there and that he would be on board with whatever method I chose.
Sigh.
Why does he always do that? He just has to be so darn agreeable. Not only did he say that he would be on board with whatever path I chose, he said that he would use virtually the rest of his vacation for the year for us to do the required training to adopt.
Double sigh.
This should be good news, right? But it just felt all wrong. I took a step back to examine my heart and I quickly saw that over the previous week I had been doing much more researching/thinking/planning than I had been praying and seeking the Lord. It was giving me serious anxiety to feel like we were right back at square one. But worry and anxiety are not from the Lord. And not only are they not from the Lord, they are a sin. I should have seen all my stressing and worry and a big flashing red light that I was doing this on my own, and not relying on the Lord. It helped to have a little reminder from my husband that if God calls us to do something, then he will give us the strength to do it. I finally relented. I gave it all back to God, and told him that I'd go where ever he calls me to go. Even if it takes years to get there. Even if it feels impossible.
But luckily, God is not bound by what we consider impossible, now is he? THIS is where the story gets good...
I have an A.W. Tozer quote written on a piece of paper that I leave in front of my computer so that I will see it several times a day. It says,
God is so good. So completely and utterly good. At times, it leaves me speechless. But this is not one of those times. This time is one of those times where God's goodness has me bursting at the seams! I literally can't keep quiet about how amazing it has been to see his hand guide us in the past several days.
It has been almost two weeks since I posted my prayer request post. After I posted that request I stepped my adoption research up a notch. Even I didn't know that was possible. It already felt like I was going fast a furious with it. When we surrendered to the call to adopt, we started broad, considering every possible country to adopt from and method by which to adopt. We didn't want to limit God in anyway, or just assume that he was leading in a certain direction. We knew that he called to adopt special needs, but that is a VERY broad catagory. Not only is it a broad catagory, but there are orphans in every country that the United States is allowed to adopt from that fit into the special needs catagory. So while we had narrowed it down a little, there was still much whittling to do to narrow it down further. After researching different countries, we learned that we are not eligible to adopt from all countries. Each country has its own set of requirements that foreigners(that would be us) have to meet, and we don't meet every country's criteria. Stupid rules, if you ask me. But nobody asked me. So while I'm not a fan of the guidelines of some countries, I chose to see it as God closing that door and narrowing down our search.
I pretty much had ruled out international adoption for now, and narrowed it down to a very awesome Christian agency in Houston, or a CPS adoption through Buckner. We have done the first part of the preliminary paperwork with both and it was time to pick a path and take the next step. Problem was, Josh wasn't completely on board with either.
Ugh.
Every time I tried to get his opinion about which way we should go, he would say he didn't have a peace about either.
Double ugh.
When God originally called us to adopt he did it through our discovery of the plight of special needs orphans in Eastern Europe(GREAT story that I still plan on sharing with you when I get the chance). When we decided to adopt, we knew that we would be adopting a special needs child from that part of the world one day, but we didn't know if that was exactly where God was calling us to adopt from right now. If you know much about adoption at all, you know that international adoption is a different and more difficult process, in many ways, than domestic adoption. And on top of that, adopting from the majority of the countries in Eastern Europe is a completely different ball game. Very early in the research game it was as though that door was quickly shut. The Ukraine and Russia are VERY expensive to adopt from and they require TWO semi-extended trips to finalize your adoption. Plus BOTH parents have to travel for the first trip.
Paying between $50,000-$80,000 to be away from my children for about 6 weeks not only seemed impossible, but I didn't WANT to do it. Door shut. Just can't do that right now. I kept telling Josh that the exorbitant amount of money wasn't the problem. Whether the adoption costs $1000 or $100,000, God is going to have to provide the money. Plain and simple, we don't have it. The scary, and nearly impossible, part of an Eastern European adoption, for me, is the travel. Being away from my children for that amount of time(overseas, none the less) is not something I feel capable of doing. Just can't.
Regardless, that is where Josh's heart was. Even after I laid out all the facts for him about why it just couldn't work right now, that's still where his heart was at. To be 100% honest, my heart was in Eastern Europe also, but I could not fathom such a difficult undertaking at this point in my life. And by "difficult undertaking" I mean, to adopt from the area of the world that I consider to be hardest, at least in my opinon.
We reached this dead lock about a week ago. I was frustrated, to say the least. All my countless hours of researching various countries and agencies and methods of adoption, only to have Josh and I not be able to whole-heartly agree.
Then Josh had to pull a typical "Josh". He said that even though his heart was in the Ukraine, he understood how I felt about traveling there and that he would be on board with whatever method I chose.
Sigh.
Why does he always do that? He just has to be so darn agreeable. Not only did he say that he would be on board with whatever path I chose, he said that he would use virtually the rest of his vacation for the year for us to do the required training to adopt.
Double sigh.
This should be good news, right? But it just felt all wrong. I took a step back to examine my heart and I quickly saw that over the previous week I had been doing much more researching/thinking/planning than I had been praying and seeking the Lord. It was giving me serious anxiety to feel like we were right back at square one. But worry and anxiety are not from the Lord. And not only are they not from the Lord, they are a sin. I should have seen all my stressing and worry and a big flashing red light that I was doing this on my own, and not relying on the Lord. It helped to have a little reminder from my husband that if God calls us to do something, then he will give us the strength to do it. I finally relented. I gave it all back to God, and told him that I'd go where ever he calls me to go. Even if it takes years to get there. Even if it feels impossible.
But luckily, God is not bound by what we consider impossible, now is he? THIS is where the story gets good...
I have an A.W. Tozer quote written on a piece of paper that I leave in front of my computer so that I will see it several times a day. It says,
"God is looking for people through whom he can do the impossible. What a pity we plan only the things we can do by ourselves."
Here I had been working so hard at trying to figure out how we would be able to accomplish what God has called us to do. I was trying to pick the path that I thought was do-able. The goal that I was capable of achieving. Notice all the I's? No wonder I was so worried and anxious. I'm not capable of doing all that much on my own. I had good reason to be concerned about trying to take on something as huge as adopting a child in my own strength and with my own wisdom and resources. So, once again, I surrendered everything to the Lord. I told him that I would stop trying to do it my way and that I would just follow where he leads, in spite of how difficult and scary that may be. Immediately, all the worry and anxiety were gone, and nothing but that sweet peace that passes all understanding. In the days that followed, God gave us a direct peace about pursing an Eastern European adoption. Impossible? Maybe for us, but not for God.
I quit with the hours of research and decided to just sit back and wait for the Lord to direct. Novel idea, I know. Honestly though, that's hard for a person with my personality type. He's already given us the direction, so I'm ready to just barrel ahead full speed. I daily had to choose to spend less time on the computer doing research, and more time on knees seeking the Lord's face. He quickly removed my blinders about my notion of a Ukrainian or Russian adoption being impossible. An independant adoption of one or two special needs orphans in the Ukraine was only going to be upwards of $30,000. Not NEAR the $50,000-80,000 that our first research had revealed. Our first information was on a Russian agency adoption of 1-2 healthy children. Very different from an independant adoption of a child with Down Syndrome or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Don't get me wrong, we don't have 30k just lying around, but that was just God showing us that once we do things his way, nothing is impossible. The Lord chose to keep me blinded to this seemingly simple piece of information because he knew that if I knew it, that I would suddenly think that maybe I could do this thing on my own.
So here we were praising the Lord that we didn't have to raise as much money as we had originally thought, and that the process wouldn't take as long as we thought either. Once we commit to a child, we could have that child home with us in as short as 7 months. That's super-fast in the international adoption world. Here was God starting to open doors, possibly much faster than we had anticipated.
First kink. We don't have passports. That may sound like a simple problem to fix for most of you, but we are folks of very humble means, and we also don't have an extra $250-300 it takes to get Josh and I passports. My birthday is later this month, so I decided that I would use any money that I got for my birthday to get my passport. Half the problem solved right there. Josh's birthday is at the end of November. When I told him that I was going to use my birthday money to get my passport he said, "Great!" What I really wanted to hear him say, is that he, too, would use any money he got for his birthday to get his passport.
But he didn't.
I had looked up info on getting passports, and when I saw how long it takes to get them in once you have applied for them, I got a teensy bit worried. I wanted to ask him if he would consider using his birthday money to get a passsport. But I bit my tongue. Instead, I gave it back to God, and in return he gave me back that sweet peace of his. No worries. He was in control. Aaaahhh. This was much better than when I was trying to figure it all out myself.
Later, that.very.day, I made a very random decision to clean out my jewelry drawer and switch it with my undergarment drawer. This was random for several reason. 1.I have many other much more pressing areas of my house that beg for organization. And, 2. Cleaning out my jewelry drawer and swapping it with my undergarment drawer was not on my cleaning list that I tend to stick too very closely. (Just a tad type A, eh?)
Despite the sheer randomness of it, I got to cleaning anyway. Amidst my underwear drawer what do you think I found...besides underwear, of course?? An unmarked envelope with 300 bucks in it!!! I am so stinkin' serious!! I marched straight in to the living room and held out the money to Josh and told him where I found it. He took one look at it and said, "We can get our passports!" Praise God, yes we can!!
I've always heard that God works in mysterious ways, but I honestly never thought he'd make money appear in my undies drawer. However he chooses to work, though, I'm fully on board!!
Next week Josh and I will be applying for our passports!! This is only our first step of many towards bringing our special kiddo home, but it is very exciting! I can't wait to see how he is going to continue to work and provide as we chose to obey him and walk by faith daily.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Request for Prayer
A couple of days ago, when I announced that the Lord had led us to adopt, I really had no intention of doing that when I started that post. My heart was to share the conversation that I had that morning with the Lord. I intended to do so, and just leave it at that. But, as I neared the end of the post it felt natural to share with you where the Lord was leading us. Josh and I had talked had about it, and since we were still in the trying-to-figure-out-which-way-the-Lord-was-leading-us stage, that we wouldn't really announce our adoption plans until we had decided what avenue to use for our adoption. Since the beginning of July we had been doing research, gathering information from various agencies, and praying for the Lord to guide us. While we have made some head way in the aspect of definetly ruling certain agencies and countries off our list, we don't have a definite direction that we are heading yet.
In the 2 1/2 months from when we knew FOR SURE that the Lord had called us to adopt, and the time we announced it, God had been so good to place godly adoption vetrans in our life to provide wisdom and encouragement. The first few came mear days after we surrendered to the call to adopt. The Lord is so good to know that in spite of our willing spirit, our flesh can be so weak in the face of what seems virtually impossible. He lovingly provides the tangible encouragement of those who have walked this road before us. Isn't God good?!
Choosing what agency to use is the next step in our adoption process. Our desire is that every aspect of our adoption journey be bathed in prayer and guided by the Holy Spirit. We covet your prayers. I know that God hears the prayers of his people and is ready to act on their behalf. I sit and wonder at all the amazing things the Lord has done and the ever more amazing things that are yet to be done. Kind of exciting, right?!
We would love it if you would commit to cry out to the Lord daily on our behalf. If you could devote just 2-3 minutes of your day to ask the Lord that he will give us wisdom and open the right doors, I will be forever in debted to you. Prayer works! In his book Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire, Jim Cymbala says, "The more we pray, the more we sense our need to pray. And the more we sense a need to pray, the more we want to pray."
The prayer request of the week:
That the Lord will give us wisdom in choosing what agency/avenue to use for our adoption.
This is the next step in order for us to move forward, but it is also one of the most important steps. It will determine what kind of adoption we will be doing: international, domestic, foster, etc. Once this is decided we will be ready to hit the ground running! I will definitely keep you posted throughout the week. Thank you so much, in advance, for all your prayers!
In the 2 1/2 months from when we knew FOR SURE that the Lord had called us to adopt, and the time we announced it, God had been so good to place godly adoption vetrans in our life to provide wisdom and encouragement. The first few came mear days after we surrendered to the call to adopt. The Lord is so good to know that in spite of our willing spirit, our flesh can be so weak in the face of what seems virtually impossible. He lovingly provides the tangible encouragement of those who have walked this road before us. Isn't God good?!
Choosing what agency to use is the next step in our adoption process. Our desire is that every aspect of our adoption journey be bathed in prayer and guided by the Holy Spirit. We covet your prayers. I know that God hears the prayers of his people and is ready to act on their behalf. I sit and wonder at all the amazing things the Lord has done and the ever more amazing things that are yet to be done. Kind of exciting, right?!
We would love it if you would commit to cry out to the Lord daily on our behalf. If you could devote just 2-3 minutes of your day to ask the Lord that he will give us wisdom and open the right doors, I will be forever in debted to you. Prayer works! In his book Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire, Jim Cymbala says, "The more we pray, the more we sense our need to pray. And the more we sense a need to pray, the more we want to pray."
The prayer request of the week:
That the Lord will give us wisdom in choosing what agency/avenue to use for our adoption.
This is the next step in order for us to move forward, but it is also one of the most important steps. It will determine what kind of adoption we will be doing: international, domestic, foster, etc. Once this is decided we will be ready to hit the ground running! I will definitely keep you posted throughout the week. Thank you so much, in advance, for all your prayers!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Our Passion
I guess I should explain a little bit about how we came to the decision to adopt and what our passion is regarding adoption. How we came to the place where we knew God was calling-asking-commanding us to adopt is a very sudden, out of the clear blue, long time coming, much prayed over journey all rolled into one. I plan on sharing the story in its entirety soon...but not today. Today I am going to share the passion and drive behind our adoption, and where we foresee it taking us.
We are open to whatever God brings our way, and as we have already learned, you NEVER know what that might be. But our heart is with orphans with special needs. The term "Special Needs" covers a vast array of criteria that classifies a child as having special needs. Of course, it means any child with a physical or mental handicap,(that is probably typically what people think of a "special needs"), but it also covers siblings, miniorities, emotional issues, and even healthy children over a certain age. (The age that classifies a child as special needs varries from different adoption agencies, countries, and races, and is anywhere from being over the age of 2 to being over the age of 5.) Our heart is with orphans with special needs because they are the group that people are least likely to adopt. Many of them age out of the system and end up being adults that never had the opportunity to experience love and a family.
"Aging out of the system" is a merciful way of being rejected as not being good enough and worthy enough to be a part of a family and be loved. In some countries, predominately countries in Eastern Europe, children with profound special needs who are not adopted by age 4-5 are placed in mental institutions where they live out the rest of their life usually drugged and tied to a bed. Grown men and women in beds the size of cribs. But why would they need a bigger bed when they are the size of small children? Most die within the first few years of being institutionalized, usually from malnourishment and dehydration.
That being said, our heart is with orphans with special needs. Whether that special need is a physical or mental handicap, or something as simple as having the wrong skin color or being the wrong age to be considered "adoptable". They are just as much humans who are worthy of love and a family as you and I are. Jesus died for them. Oh, how it must break his heart to see the way they are cast aside as garbage! I firmly believe that every single orphan deserves the chance to be loved by a family and know about Jesus. Since there are about 147 MILLION orphans in the world, I definitely can't adopt them all, but I can make a difference in the life of at least one. (Although, Josh did say that he doesn't foresee this being just a one time thing for our family.)
Besides special needs, we also want to adopt a waiting child. A waiting child simply means that it is an orphan that is waiting to be adopted. Their parental rights have already been terminated and they are leagally available to be adopted. We aren't the ones waiting for a child with certain age, gender, or health requirements to become available. Instead we want to adopt a child who is waiting. Waiting for a family. Waiting to be loved. Waiting to hear about Jesus and what he did for them. At this very moment, there are thousands upon thousands of waiting children. Children who wait day after day for the love of a forever family. Doesn't seem fair, does it?
God is good though. He will provide a way where there seems to be no way. Early yesterday morning Josh was driving to work. We had been up late earlier that night, with the burden for orphans on both our heart. It seems so impossible at times, in our faulty limited human thinking. 3am found Josh driving to work, in the fog, with a burden still on his heart. He was fervently praying as he drove to work. He cried out to the Lord, "We hear theri cries and can't get to them! But YOU can get us there!" No sooner than the words had left his mouth, he saw a shooting star right in front of him!
The Lord is good to encourage us just when we need him the most. To remind us that he is listening and that he will be faithful to make a way where there seems to be no way.
We are open to whatever God brings our way, and as we have already learned, you NEVER know what that might be. But our heart is with orphans with special needs. The term "Special Needs" covers a vast array of criteria that classifies a child as having special needs. Of course, it means any child with a physical or mental handicap,(that is probably typically what people think of a "special needs"), but it also covers siblings, miniorities, emotional issues, and even healthy children over a certain age. (The age that classifies a child as special needs varries from different adoption agencies, countries, and races, and is anywhere from being over the age of 2 to being over the age of 5.) Our heart is with orphans with special needs because they are the group that people are least likely to adopt. Many of them age out of the system and end up being adults that never had the opportunity to experience love and a family.
"Aging out of the system" is a merciful way of being rejected as not being good enough and worthy enough to be a part of a family and be loved. In some countries, predominately countries in Eastern Europe, children with profound special needs who are not adopted by age 4-5 are placed in mental institutions where they live out the rest of their life usually drugged and tied to a bed. Grown men and women in beds the size of cribs. But why would they need a bigger bed when they are the size of small children? Most die within the first few years of being institutionalized, usually from malnourishment and dehydration.
That being said, our heart is with orphans with special needs. Whether that special need is a physical or mental handicap, or something as simple as having the wrong skin color or being the wrong age to be considered "adoptable". They are just as much humans who are worthy of love and a family as you and I are. Jesus died for them. Oh, how it must break his heart to see the way they are cast aside as garbage! I firmly believe that every single orphan deserves the chance to be loved by a family and know about Jesus. Since there are about 147 MILLION orphans in the world, I definitely can't adopt them all, but I can make a difference in the life of at least one. (Although, Josh did say that he doesn't foresee this being just a one time thing for our family.)
Besides special needs, we also want to adopt a waiting child. A waiting child simply means that it is an orphan that is waiting to be adopted. Their parental rights have already been terminated and they are leagally available to be adopted. We aren't the ones waiting for a child with certain age, gender, or health requirements to become available. Instead we want to adopt a child who is waiting. Waiting for a family. Waiting to be loved. Waiting to hear about Jesus and what he did for them. At this very moment, there are thousands upon thousands of waiting children. Children who wait day after day for the love of a forever family. Doesn't seem fair, does it?
God is good though. He will provide a way where there seems to be no way. Early yesterday morning Josh was driving to work. We had been up late earlier that night, with the burden for orphans on both our heart. It seems so impossible at times, in our faulty limited human thinking. 3am found Josh driving to work, in the fog, with a burden still on his heart. He was fervently praying as he drove to work. He cried out to the Lord, "We hear theri cries and can't get to them! But YOU can get us there!" No sooner than the words had left his mouth, he saw a shooting star right in front of him!
The Lord is good to encourage us just when we need him the most. To remind us that he is listening and that he will be faithful to make a way where there seems to be no way.
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