Here is Luke's quote of the day thus far.
We were getting out of the car at Basic Foods and Luke said,
"PawPaw and Grandma",(which are my grandparents) "can park in handicap spots."
"Yup, that's right.", I said.
"Can they park in regular spots too?", he asked.
"Yes. They can park in both kinds of parking spots.", I answered.
He responded,
"Wow! I sure wish that we were handicapped!"
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
CSUS (you have to read the post to find out what that means!)
For about a year I have been a member of CSUS, which stands for Christain Surfers U.S. (There! I let the cat out of the bag in the first sentence! Feel free to stop reading now if you would like.) One of the perks of my membership is that I get an email devotional every Monday. They always tie something into the devotional that has to do with surfing. I know that may not neccessarily sound spiritual, but who are you to judge...Um, what I meant to say is, honestly it really is spiritual. *wink, wink*
Anyway, I wanted to share a picture from last weeks devotional, and a quote from this weeks. They don't pertain to each other at all, but I liked them both....so here you go.
Ewwww! Pretty scary, eh? I am terrified of sharks. It struck a chord deep in my heart to picture sin looking like that ferocious beast. I think that if we had a visual of the devouring nature of sin more similar to the one above, then we might be a little more cautions to not just steer clear of it, but to paddle, I mean run the opposite direction!
And for the quote of the week;
"We learn prayer's deepest depths in prayer, not from books. We reach prayer's highest heights in prayer, not from sermons. The only place to learn prayer, is in prayer, bent and broken on our knees."
-Dick Eastman
I like this quote because I have learned this one from experience. I have honestly read or heard some awesome books, articles, sermons, and Bible studies on prayer. They have all been beneficial to teaching me more about the power of prayer and also in encouraging and inspiring me to pray more. But nothing compares to what God has taught me during the actual act of prayer. It has been during times of prayer that the Holy Spirit has been able to comfort, direct, and speak to me most clearly.
The challenge of the week to the members of CSUS was to spend 5 extra minutes in prayer a day this week. So I am challenging you to the same. I couldn't hurt. And only God knows what 5 extra minutes can do in your heart. Let's give it a try this week!
Anyway, I wanted to share a picture from last weeks devotional, and a quote from this weeks. They don't pertain to each other at all, but I liked them both....so here you go.
Ewwww! Pretty scary, eh? I am terrified of sharks. It struck a chord deep in my heart to picture sin looking like that ferocious beast. I think that if we had a visual of the devouring nature of sin more similar to the one above, then we might be a little more cautions to not just steer clear of it, but to paddle, I mean run the opposite direction!
And for the quote of the week;
"We learn prayer's deepest depths in prayer, not from books. We reach prayer's highest heights in prayer, not from sermons. The only place to learn prayer, is in prayer, bent and broken on our knees."
-Dick Eastman
I like this quote because I have learned this one from experience. I have honestly read or heard some awesome books, articles, sermons, and Bible studies on prayer. They have all been beneficial to teaching me more about the power of prayer and also in encouraging and inspiring me to pray more. But nothing compares to what God has taught me during the actual act of prayer. It has been during times of prayer that the Holy Spirit has been able to comfort, direct, and speak to me most clearly.
The challenge of the week to the members of CSUS was to spend 5 extra minutes in prayer a day this week. So I am challenging you to the same. I couldn't hurt. And only God knows what 5 extra minutes can do in your heart. Let's give it a try this week!
Monday, March 23, 2009
The names have been changed to protect the, ugh, innocent? Alternately titled, A Long Post So Hang In There
Today started out fine. Well, as fine as a co-op morning can start anyway. Monday mornings I am usually rushing to get the kids out the door and to co-op not just on time, but somewhat decent looking. We made it though. Not exactly on time, but before assembly and announcements were over. That's a success in my book. So, anyway, the day started out fine. Co-op went well. I had fun teaching my kindergarten P.E. class, and it reminded me of why I went to school to be a P.E. teacher(and incase you are wondering, yes, you can actually go to college to be a P.E. teacher. My major was kinesiology, which is the study of the movement of the body.)
After co-op I went to work at The Hope Center. Many of you know that I work as a counselor there on Monday afternoons. I mainly counsel clients who come for the free pregnancy testing that the Hope Center offers. If you aren't familier with what the Hope Center is, well...it is pretty much exactly what Treyson's Purpose will be one day. It is a pro-life non-profit resource center for women with crisis pregnancies. I became connected with the Hope Center back in November with Meagan and I met with the assisstant director in an effort to get advice and information that would help us with Treyson's Purpose. In January I got a call from the lady that we had met with asking me if I would be interested in training to be a counselor there. She told me that it would benefit with Hope Center while providing with the knowledge and experience that I could use to further Treyson's Purpose. I seized the opportunity enthusiastically! What better way to get knowledge of how a pro-life non-profit agency runs, than to work at one?! Super excited doesn't describe how I felt. So I did the class part of the training in January, and went straight in to the counselors training the next week.
Over the next several weeks I gradually started doing more and more of the counseling on my own. Now I am fully on my own. Every Monday I look forward to going. Don't let the fact that I am so excited about it fool you in to thinking that it is simple. I have had some heart wrenching experience while working there. I have talked with women, and girls for that matter, that have some of the saddest stories I have ever heard personally. There are times that I feel so completely inadequate to help them at all. That is why I committed from my first week working there that I would spend my entire drive from my house to the Hope Center(about 20 min) in earnest prayer, praying that God would prepare the hearts of the clients I will see that day, and to prepare my heart to minister to them.
On my way there today I prayed that God would allow me to have a client to that was married, a Christian, and actually trying to get pregnant. That is the totally opposite of what we normally see, so I just prayed that God would send one my way for a little encouragement. It wears me down emotionally at times for the majority of my clients to be the women and girls that make up all those crazy statistics that I never thought were accurate until I was actually was faced with the women that make them. Underage post-abortive girls, 13 year olds with multiple life altering STD's, 20 years olds on their 4th pregnancy, women who have had 3 or more abortions, etc..... I have had more than one occassion where I have had to go in the restroom and pull myself together before I can walk in the room and tell a 16 year old that was forced by her parents to have an abortion after being raped at 13, that she is indeed pregnant again, and that by law I have to turn her boyfriend in to the state because she is a minor. Or there have been times that I have had to ask the other counselor that works at the same time as me to pray with me because my brain is mush after hearing a horriffic story and I feel unable to form words that could possibly provide comfort.
THAT is why I prayed for some nice, married, Christian to come my way that was just dying to be pregnant. That is what I prayed. And that is what I got. Times two. My first two clients were sweet married women that claimed to be Christians and had been trying for 1-2 years to get pregnant. I was thrilled to talk with them and run their tests. But I was heartbroken when I had to give them their results. Negative.
After the second client I was a bit discouraged. Ok, I was actually on the verge of tears. I was frustrated with how life seems to be unfair and how I had to be the bearer of heartbreakingly bad news. So client three comes along. And now we have a positive. Inspite of the fact that she wasn't married and beared the emotional scars of the post-abortive woman, I was happy for her. Her and her boyfriend have been trying to get pregnant for two years, and even though they aren't married, the lover-of-life in me genuinely congratulated them enthusiastically. Well, my enthusiasm was wiped away when the boyfriend of the newly pregnant girl began flirting with me. Yes, I did say flirting with me. Right in front of his pregnant girlfriend! At first I thought that maybe he was just giddy about the news and the giddiness was making him super friendly. But when they walked out the door after I scheduled their ultrasound, and the secretary exploded at his audacity, I knew it wasn't just my imagination. So much for being excited about client number three.
Just when I was seriously considering going in the restroom and crying for a minute, just to get in out, I get client number 4. I won't go in to details, mainly because my heart can't take it. But I will say that I am pretty sure that she will be having an abortion in the next week or so. That will make 3 abortions in two years for her. I am praying divine intervention in that situation.
This evening I am desperately trying to be at peace about client number 4. I not only prayed desperately before I went back in the room to give her the results of her pregnancy test, but I had the other counselor pray for the client and I as I talked with her. I have never felt so completely inadaquate in all my life. I literally felt like the life of that unborn child was in my hands and if I could just find the right words to say to the mother that I could save it. No right words came, aparently.
I know that my job is only to speak in the spirit and then let God do the work. But it is hard for me to not take the responsibily on myself to save that child when I am the one that is tangibly talking with her.
*Sigh. Big, big sigh*
After co-op I went to work at The Hope Center. Many of you know that I work as a counselor there on Monday afternoons. I mainly counsel clients who come for the free pregnancy testing that the Hope Center offers. If you aren't familier with what the Hope Center is, well...it is pretty much exactly what Treyson's Purpose will be one day. It is a pro-life non-profit resource center for women with crisis pregnancies. I became connected with the Hope Center back in November with Meagan and I met with the assisstant director in an effort to get advice and information that would help us with Treyson's Purpose. In January I got a call from the lady that we had met with asking me if I would be interested in training to be a counselor there. She told me that it would benefit with Hope Center while providing with the knowledge and experience that I could use to further Treyson's Purpose. I seized the opportunity enthusiastically! What better way to get knowledge of how a pro-life non-profit agency runs, than to work at one?! Super excited doesn't describe how I felt. So I did the class part of the training in January, and went straight in to the counselors training the next week.
Over the next several weeks I gradually started doing more and more of the counseling on my own. Now I am fully on my own. Every Monday I look forward to going. Don't let the fact that I am so excited about it fool you in to thinking that it is simple. I have had some heart wrenching experience while working there. I have talked with women, and girls for that matter, that have some of the saddest stories I have ever heard personally. There are times that I feel so completely inadequate to help them at all. That is why I committed from my first week working there that I would spend my entire drive from my house to the Hope Center(about 20 min) in earnest prayer, praying that God would prepare the hearts of the clients I will see that day, and to prepare my heart to minister to them.
On my way there today I prayed that God would allow me to have a client to that was married, a Christian, and actually trying to get pregnant. That is the totally opposite of what we normally see, so I just prayed that God would send one my way for a little encouragement. It wears me down emotionally at times for the majority of my clients to be the women and girls that make up all those crazy statistics that I never thought were accurate until I was actually was faced with the women that make them. Underage post-abortive girls, 13 year olds with multiple life altering STD's, 20 years olds on their 4th pregnancy, women who have had 3 or more abortions, etc..... I have had more than one occassion where I have had to go in the restroom and pull myself together before I can walk in the room and tell a 16 year old that was forced by her parents to have an abortion after being raped at 13, that she is indeed pregnant again, and that by law I have to turn her boyfriend in to the state because she is a minor. Or there have been times that I have had to ask the other counselor that works at the same time as me to pray with me because my brain is mush after hearing a horriffic story and I feel unable to form words that could possibly provide comfort.
THAT is why I prayed for some nice, married, Christian to come my way that was just dying to be pregnant. That is what I prayed. And that is what I got. Times two. My first two clients were sweet married women that claimed to be Christians and had been trying for 1-2 years to get pregnant. I was thrilled to talk with them and run their tests. But I was heartbroken when I had to give them their results. Negative.
After the second client I was a bit discouraged. Ok, I was actually on the verge of tears. I was frustrated with how life seems to be unfair and how I had to be the bearer of heartbreakingly bad news. So client three comes along. And now we have a positive. Inspite of the fact that she wasn't married and beared the emotional scars of the post-abortive woman, I was happy for her. Her and her boyfriend have been trying to get pregnant for two years, and even though they aren't married, the lover-of-life in me genuinely congratulated them enthusiastically. Well, my enthusiasm was wiped away when the boyfriend of the newly pregnant girl began flirting with me. Yes, I did say flirting with me. Right in front of his pregnant girlfriend! At first I thought that maybe he was just giddy about the news and the giddiness was making him super friendly. But when they walked out the door after I scheduled their ultrasound, and the secretary exploded at his audacity, I knew it wasn't just my imagination. So much for being excited about client number three.
Just when I was seriously considering going in the restroom and crying for a minute, just to get in out, I get client number 4. I won't go in to details, mainly because my heart can't take it. But I will say that I am pretty sure that she will be having an abortion in the next week or so. That will make 3 abortions in two years for her. I am praying divine intervention in that situation.
This evening I am desperately trying to be at peace about client number 4. I not only prayed desperately before I went back in the room to give her the results of her pregnancy test, but I had the other counselor pray for the client and I as I talked with her. I have never felt so completely inadaquate in all my life. I literally felt like the life of that unborn child was in my hands and if I could just find the right words to say to the mother that I could save it. No right words came, aparently.
I know that my job is only to speak in the spirit and then let God do the work. But it is hard for me to not take the responsibily on myself to save that child when I am the one that is tangibly talking with her.
*Sigh. Big, big sigh*
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Blessed...and some chickens
This past weekend I had a chance to reflect on how blessed I am in many ways regarding my family. Last Monday we buried my great uncle, Jerry. His funeral was sad because he was so dearly loved, but it was also uplifting in many ways. At his funeral it was mentioned several times how close of a family we are and how much we love each other. My Uncle Jerry was my PawPaw's brother. I've always known how close that part of my family was, but I guess that I took it for granted since that is how it has been since I was born. When I heard the preacher talk about how it had been revealed to him several times how close and loving our family was it hit me that not all people have the gift of having the type of extended family that I do.
For the most part I am blessed in every aspect of my family. I completely adore my in-laws. I consider Josh's parents my other set of parents because I feel as though I could confide in them the same way I could my own parents. Likewise could be said for my grandparents. My mom's parents my only living grandparents. I am extremely close to them. This past week I have been reflecting on how much of a blessing it is too come from such a close family.
I guess what really made it all hit home was last Friday we went over to my Uncle Donald and Aunt Catherine's house to visit. They live right up the road from us(is "right up the road" a totally southern term? If it is then I appologize for the bad grammer. But honestly, they do live right up the road.) We went by to visit, and to get some goodies from my Uncle Donald's garden. After we left I started thinking about how not many people have a great-great uncle less than a mile from them that they can just ride over and get some carrots and broccli from their garden. Then again, not many people even have a great-great uncle.
Then even later when I was smiling thinking about Luke and Ray pulling carrots, picking kumquats, and running around the yard playing and petting their dog, it hit me. Not many people have a great-great-GREAT uncle that they can go over to their house(walk if we wanted to)and do that. All I can say is that we are blessed.
Here is a picture of Luke with some of the carrots.
Tonight we ate some of the broccoli out of his garden. It was so incredible good that it inspired me to add broccoli to my little garden. We eat a ton of broccoli at our house, but it had never occurred to me to grow it in my garden. Broccoli wasn't one of the vegatables that we ever grew in the gardens that we had at our house growing up, so I guess in the back of my mind I felt a little clueless as to how to grow it. But, I will be planting some ASAP!
Here is a picture of the seeds I have sprouted so far.
Most of them are flowers(Luke helped with the flowers), but there are some tomatoes and cayenne peppers in there too. All are doing well. I was honestly shocked that they sprouted at all. I have never had much luck starting with seeds so the morning that I noticed that mine had actually sprouted I started jumping around. I even did a little dance. Now that I have my green thumb I'll be heading full speed ahead with the rest of my little seeds.
For the most part I am blessed in every aspect of my family. I completely adore my in-laws. I consider Josh's parents my other set of parents because I feel as though I could confide in them the same way I could my own parents. Likewise could be said for my grandparents. My mom's parents my only living grandparents. I am extremely close to them. This past week I have been reflecting on how much of a blessing it is too come from such a close family.
I guess what really made it all hit home was last Friday we went over to my Uncle Donald and Aunt Catherine's house to visit. They live right up the road from us(is "right up the road" a totally southern term? If it is then I appologize for the bad grammer. But honestly, they do live right up the road.) We went by to visit, and to get some goodies from my Uncle Donald's garden. After we left I started thinking about how not many people have a great-great uncle less than a mile from them that they can just ride over and get some carrots and broccli from their garden. Then again, not many people even have a great-great uncle.
Then even later when I was smiling thinking about Luke and Ray pulling carrots, picking kumquats, and running around the yard playing and petting their dog, it hit me. Not many people have a great-great-GREAT uncle that they can go over to their house(walk if we wanted to)and do that. All I can say is that we are blessed.
Here is a picture of Luke with some of the carrots.
Tonight we ate some of the broccoli out of his garden. It was so incredible good that it inspired me to add broccoli to my little garden. We eat a ton of broccoli at our house, but it had never occurred to me to grow it in my garden. Broccoli wasn't one of the vegatables that we ever grew in the gardens that we had at our house growing up, so I guess in the back of my mind I felt a little clueless as to how to grow it. But, I will be planting some ASAP! Here is a picture of the seeds I have sprouted so far.
Most of them are flowers(Luke helped with the flowers), but there are some tomatoes and cayenne peppers in there too. All are doing well. I was honestly shocked that they sprouted at all. I have never had much luck starting with seeds so the morning that I noticed that mine had actually sprouted I started jumping around. I even did a little dance. Now that I have my green thumb I'll be heading full speed ahead with the rest of my little seeds.Aside from gardening, I also have a new little venture. Here's a little peek at what I've been having fun with the past week.
Yup, it baby chickens. Also, know as chicks, for us chicken farmers(wink, wink). The above picture is what 46 chicks look like. Pretty cute, eh? For those of you that live in the area, you are welcome to bring your kids by to see them any time. Come soon though because they feather out fast. We also have three ducklings. Besides your own newborn baby there isn't anything cuter than a duckling. The chicks are pretty darn cute too though.
Now isn't she a cutie?! I adore my chicks. In about four months time they will be laying eggs and I will be selling them(the eggs, not the chickens). So any of you that are interested in fresh yard eggs just let me know.
Yup, it baby chickens. Also, know as chicks, for us chicken farmers(wink, wink). The above picture is what 46 chicks look like. Pretty cute, eh? For those of you that live in the area, you are welcome to bring your kids by to see them any time. Come soon though because they feather out fast. We also have three ducklings. Besides your own newborn baby there isn't anything cuter than a duckling. The chicks are pretty darn cute too though.
Now isn't she a cutie?! I adore my chicks. In about four months time they will be laying eggs and I will be selling them(the eggs, not the chickens). So any of you that are interested in fresh yard eggs just let me know.The chicks have me in a super excited mood, so I would love to just go on, and on, and on. But Josh drew my bath water and if I don't hop in now it will get cold!
Friday, February 27, 2009
I'm back...and I got an award!!
Ok ya'll....So I am finally back to blogging. It has been over a month since I have posted. I feel like such a slacker! I have been getting on every once and a while to try to keep up with everyone else's blog, even though I haven't been posting. When I was blog checking I found that I had been given a blog award! What!?! Only my dear friend, Heather, would give an award to somebody that hasn't posted in over a month. She's so sweet!
I have three sweeties that I'd like to pass this award on to, also. First off is my blog friend, Sara. She is such a sweetheart! Even though she has been through the loss of her first child, Samuel, she always is there with an uplifting and encouraging word. I've appreciated the support she has shown, not only to me, but to others around her that are hurting Thanks, Sara!
Second, is another blog friend, Rooney. She is such a Godly woman. Inspite of the loss of her son, Henry, her faith has never wavered. The depth of her walk with the Lord is an encouragment to me.
Last but not least, I'd like to give this award to my friend, Lindsey. She is a beautiful young woman that is dealing with her struggles with such dignity and grace that it inspires me to be more like her.
Heather, Sara, Rooney, and Lindsey. Four beautiful women of God. Four different stories. Laughter, tears, anger, and fears. You should check them out!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Mission Statement
Here's a quick Treyson's Purpose update, just so you don't think that we have forgotten about it. We decided on a mission statement a while back so I thought that I'd share that with you. And by "a while back", I mean like November. I'm sorry that it took me so long to share it with you all.
Treyson's Purpose is a faith based, safe and confidential place for anyone dealing with life choices regarding pregnancy. We provide education and counsel for anyone regardless of age, race, or religion. We hold to the promises of God found in his word and desire to minister to women through Christ's love, without judgement or condemnation, regarding choices made for past, present, or future pregnancies. "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17
It was difficult to cover the vastness of the way in which we desire to minister to those whom we may come in contact with. I feel like Treyson's Purpose is so vitally important that I could honestly write a disertation on all the many many aspects and intricate ways in which I feel that the Lord will use this. But, alas, a few sentences was what we had to work with, and that is what we came up with. Meagan and I both feel that "ministering to women through Christ's love" pretty much covers the root of where we feel that God is leading us. Everything else is just details.
Treyson's Purpose is a faith based, safe and confidential place for anyone dealing with life choices regarding pregnancy. We provide education and counsel for anyone regardless of age, race, or religion. We hold to the promises of God found in his word and desire to minister to women through Christ's love, without judgement or condemnation, regarding choices made for past, present, or future pregnancies. "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17
It was difficult to cover the vastness of the way in which we desire to minister to those whom we may come in contact with. I feel like Treyson's Purpose is so vitally important that I could honestly write a disertation on all the many many aspects and intricate ways in which I feel that the Lord will use this. But, alas, a few sentences was what we had to work with, and that is what we came up with. Meagan and I both feel that "ministering to women through Christ's love" pretty much covers the root of where we feel that God is leading us. Everything else is just details.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Where Ever He Leads, I'll Follow
I have just recently in the past months come to truly rest in the peace that comes from completely giving your will over to the Lord and committing to following him where ever he leads, even if that means living in a mud hut in the mosquito infested swamps of Zimbabwe(I don't know if Zimbabwe even has mud huts, or swamps, or even mosquitos for that matter, but you get the jist of where my heart is.). Since that time God has not called our family to Zimbabwe, or any other foreign country for that matter, but I can very honestly tell you from the depths of my heart that if he did tomorrow I would most literally leap for joy. Why? Well it isn't at all because Zimbabwe is somewhere that I have been desiring to go. In fact, the though of every even visiting anywhere in Africa has always scared me half to death. The reason that I would be over flowing with excitement and joy is because I have come to the realization that what ever the plans are that the Lord has for my life are far greater than any plan that I could have come up with. He not only has my best interest in mind and can see the big picture of my life, but the plan he has for me has been formed out of his unfathnomable love for me. How can I not trust that his plan is better than mine?
Rewind
I became a Christian at the age of 7. I remember very clearly the moment of my salvation. The Lord lovingly spoke to my heart and called me to him and I was 100% willing. But, sadly, it has taken me 22 years since that time to come to the point where I commit to him every aspect of my life, holding nothing back for myself. Over the past 22 years I have had a wonderful walk with the Lord where he has always proven faithful to me, even though I have not always returned the favor. At any time in the over 2 decades that I have known the Lord if you would have asked me if I trusted God fully I would have quickly responded, "Asolutely!". In all the ups and downs of my life,(and trust me, there have been downs. Some very far downs to tell you the truth.), even when I was choosing to push God away and live in rebellion to him, I still feel like I trusted him. I didn't have much of a tolerance for the doubting Christian who only seemed to think that God was good if he was lavishing them with blessings, and when he wasn't they would whine and complain that God was uncaring towards their situation or needs. For me, it seemed that the kind of trust that believed in God's goodness and love, and the bad times just as much as the good times, had been given to me at the moment of my salvation. It hasn't been until recently that I realized that I didn't trust the Lord as fully as I had always given myself credit for. I knew that I had always possessed parts of myself that I was unwilling to fully commit to the Lord. I would fervently pray and ask the Lord to shape me and mold me in to a servant for him. But I was still worried to give him every single aspect of my life. What if it wasn't in his plan for me to ever marry? What if he wanted me to move some hideously cold place like Alaska? What if I was never able to have children? What if he wanted me to be a missionary to Africa? What I had to give up all my Beatles music!? I was positive that I could never be happy with any of those things if that is what he had planned for my life. So I would pray and tell him that where ever he led my life I would do my very best to follow.
To an extent.
I was far too afraid of the unknown to fully commit every thing to him. As much as I wanted to give him everything, I couldn't. And as much as I wanted to ignore the fact that I couldn't and focus on other aspects of my walk with the Lord, it would still pop up from time to time. Every loving nudge from the Holy Spirit to commit my all to him would send shockwaves of fear through me. Obviously he wouldn't be pushing the issue if he didn't have something that he knew I really wouldn't want to do planned for me. I got this underlying feeling that the only reason he wanted that sliver of my willl that I was holding on to was because he really did want to send me to Africa, or even worse, Alaska. It was plain as day to me that he must want me to die from frost bite while attempting to be a missionary to eskimos.
Haven't I given him enough? I know it wasn't the exact perfect whole hearted committment, but it was pretty darn good. I mean, the 99% I was willing to give him had to be better than the 0% that many others gave him. God is a mighty God and he should be able to do a whole heck of alot with 99%(and honestly 99% was a good day. Some days were more like 90%, or 80%, or 75%...) What is one measly little percent? I kept hoping that he would see that I wasn't giving it up and therefore send me somewhere like Cocco Beach, Florida, or San Diego. Surfers and beachbums need Jesus too, right? But, (insert *sigh*), he wasn't giving up. And I wasn't giving in. I threw my energies into other things: Christlike character, scripture memorization and meditation, being a Godly mother that instills a love for the Lord in her children, eccetera, eccetera, and so on. In the past year alone my walk with the Lord has grown and deepened in leaps and bounds. I very nearly forgot about that miniscule part of myself that I was holding on to.
Then, the Lord began speaking to me and revealing himself to me anew through several different avenues. I had a violent change of heart. I say violent because once I truly caught a glimpse of how MUCH the Lord loves me it almost sicken me to hold anything back from him. It wasn't a fear-inducing burden to fully turn myself over to the Lord. It was quite the opposite. Completely and entirely freeing. I didn't want those parts anymore. He knows and desires what is best for me far far more than I ever could. It was the most freeing and deeply peaceful single act that I have ever done. I no longer worry what he has in store for me and where he will lead me. It is no longer my responsibility to plan my life. My only responsibility is to follow him where ever he directs. Oh, and guess what didn't happen when I gave every inch of my will over to him? He didn't ask me to go to Africa, or even Alaska for that matter(although I almost think I would prefer Africa). Infact, he hasn't asked me to go anywhere yet. I do have to admit, I was somewhat disappointed when God didn't have some shocking feat that he wanted me to do. I was so enraptured with love and commitment to him that I wanted to DO something huge to prove to him that I was willing. I forget that I think in human terms and God doesn't. He knows my heart, therefore he didn't need me to prove myself to him. I'm not saying that my commitment to following God's will for my life will never take me somewhere that I don't really want to go. I just fully trust that I will be much happier doing whatever he has for me to do, as opposed to trying to direct my own life and achieve my own happiness. I've been there and done that. I made a complete mess of things in my attempts to try to orchastrate my life as I saw fit. Even with my best intentions of living a Godly life, it was not the same as giving my complete will over to him and committing to following his direction daily regardless of where that takes me.
With my new commitment am I suddenly a near perfect christian that exibits the characteristics of Christ in everything I do? Not by a long shot. Is life perfect? That is a resounding no. While I will strive for the first for the rest of my life, the second with never come to pass, at least not in this life. In fact, right now our family is faced with some difficulties that feel very nearly impossible to fix. At times I do get stressed and upset, but then the gently Lord reminds me that it is not my responsibility to try to fix things. He will fix every thing as it should be if I just move my will out of the way and allow him to. That can still be a difficult thing, but then I remember that freeing peace of giving it all to the Lord. No longer do I have to frantically figure out how to fix the messes around me. No more wasting time telling God how I think he needs to work in my life.
So now, in spite of the adversities that I sometimes feel are coming from every direction, I am so full of a joy and excitement that almost feels uncontainable at times. The God of the universe has a wonderful and specific plan for my life in which he is going to use me for his purpose.
Did you catch that?
God, the same God who created the entire universe and everything in it, loves me with a deeper love than I could ever have the words to describe or even understand. And he not just loves me, but he also has a plan for my life. It isn't just me though, that he feels this way towards. He also has that same love and perfect plan for you and your life. I now feel silly for not having fully trusted him before. While the past 22 years have in no way been a waste, they have not been the full life that God had intended. There are so many heartaches I could have avoided by fully trusting him. Heartaches not just from sin, but also from trying to direct my own life and fix my own problems when I could have just given it all to the Lord. But I am striving to never make that mistake again. I couldn't be more excited as I anticipate how the Lord is going to work in my life. I also fervently pray that each and every one of you can experience this same freeing and peaceful feeling that I now rest in by entirely committing youself, your will, and your plans for your life to the Lord. I can honestly say,
Where ever he leads, I'll follow.
Rewind
I became a Christian at the age of 7. I remember very clearly the moment of my salvation. The Lord lovingly spoke to my heart and called me to him and I was 100% willing. But, sadly, it has taken me 22 years since that time to come to the point where I commit to him every aspect of my life, holding nothing back for myself. Over the past 22 years I have had a wonderful walk with the Lord where he has always proven faithful to me, even though I have not always returned the favor. At any time in the over 2 decades that I have known the Lord if you would have asked me if I trusted God fully I would have quickly responded, "Asolutely!". In all the ups and downs of my life,(and trust me, there have been downs. Some very far downs to tell you the truth.), even when I was choosing to push God away and live in rebellion to him, I still feel like I trusted him. I didn't have much of a tolerance for the doubting Christian who only seemed to think that God was good if he was lavishing them with blessings, and when he wasn't they would whine and complain that God was uncaring towards their situation or needs. For me, it seemed that the kind of trust that believed in God's goodness and love, and the bad times just as much as the good times, had been given to me at the moment of my salvation. It hasn't been until recently that I realized that I didn't trust the Lord as fully as I had always given myself credit for. I knew that I had always possessed parts of myself that I was unwilling to fully commit to the Lord. I would fervently pray and ask the Lord to shape me and mold me in to a servant for him. But I was still worried to give him every single aspect of my life. What if it wasn't in his plan for me to ever marry? What if he wanted me to move some hideously cold place like Alaska? What if I was never able to have children? What if he wanted me to be a missionary to Africa? What I had to give up all my Beatles music!? I was positive that I could never be happy with any of those things if that is what he had planned for my life. So I would pray and tell him that where ever he led my life I would do my very best to follow.
To an extent.
I was far too afraid of the unknown to fully commit every thing to him. As much as I wanted to give him everything, I couldn't. And as much as I wanted to ignore the fact that I couldn't and focus on other aspects of my walk with the Lord, it would still pop up from time to time. Every loving nudge from the Holy Spirit to commit my all to him would send shockwaves of fear through me. Obviously he wouldn't be pushing the issue if he didn't have something that he knew I really wouldn't want to do planned for me. I got this underlying feeling that the only reason he wanted that sliver of my willl that I was holding on to was because he really did want to send me to Africa, or even worse, Alaska. It was plain as day to me that he must want me to die from frost bite while attempting to be a missionary to eskimos.
Haven't I given him enough? I know it wasn't the exact perfect whole hearted committment, but it was pretty darn good. I mean, the 99% I was willing to give him had to be better than the 0% that many others gave him. God is a mighty God and he should be able to do a whole heck of alot with 99%(and honestly 99% was a good day. Some days were more like 90%, or 80%, or 75%...) What is one measly little percent? I kept hoping that he would see that I wasn't giving it up and therefore send me somewhere like Cocco Beach, Florida, or San Diego. Surfers and beachbums need Jesus too, right? But, (insert *sigh*), he wasn't giving up. And I wasn't giving in. I threw my energies into other things: Christlike character, scripture memorization and meditation, being a Godly mother that instills a love for the Lord in her children, eccetera, eccetera, and so on. In the past year alone my walk with the Lord has grown and deepened in leaps and bounds. I very nearly forgot about that miniscule part of myself that I was holding on to.
Then, the Lord began speaking to me and revealing himself to me anew through several different avenues. I had a violent change of heart. I say violent because once I truly caught a glimpse of how MUCH the Lord loves me it almost sicken me to hold anything back from him. It wasn't a fear-inducing burden to fully turn myself over to the Lord. It was quite the opposite. Completely and entirely freeing. I didn't want those parts anymore. He knows and desires what is best for me far far more than I ever could. It was the most freeing and deeply peaceful single act that I have ever done. I no longer worry what he has in store for me and where he will lead me. It is no longer my responsibility to plan my life. My only responsibility is to follow him where ever he directs. Oh, and guess what didn't happen when I gave every inch of my will over to him? He didn't ask me to go to Africa, or even Alaska for that matter(although I almost think I would prefer Africa). Infact, he hasn't asked me to go anywhere yet. I do have to admit, I was somewhat disappointed when God didn't have some shocking feat that he wanted me to do. I was so enraptured with love and commitment to him that I wanted to DO something huge to prove to him that I was willing. I forget that I think in human terms and God doesn't. He knows my heart, therefore he didn't need me to prove myself to him. I'm not saying that my commitment to following God's will for my life will never take me somewhere that I don't really want to go. I just fully trust that I will be much happier doing whatever he has for me to do, as opposed to trying to direct my own life and achieve my own happiness. I've been there and done that. I made a complete mess of things in my attempts to try to orchastrate my life as I saw fit. Even with my best intentions of living a Godly life, it was not the same as giving my complete will over to him and committing to following his direction daily regardless of where that takes me.
With my new commitment am I suddenly a near perfect christian that exibits the characteristics of Christ in everything I do? Not by a long shot. Is life perfect? That is a resounding no. While I will strive for the first for the rest of my life, the second with never come to pass, at least not in this life. In fact, right now our family is faced with some difficulties that feel very nearly impossible to fix. At times I do get stressed and upset, but then the gently Lord reminds me that it is not my responsibility to try to fix things. He will fix every thing as it should be if I just move my will out of the way and allow him to. That can still be a difficult thing, but then I remember that freeing peace of giving it all to the Lord. No longer do I have to frantically figure out how to fix the messes around me. No more wasting time telling God how I think he needs to work in my life.
So now, in spite of the adversities that I sometimes feel are coming from every direction, I am so full of a joy and excitement that almost feels uncontainable at times. The God of the universe has a wonderful and specific plan for my life in which he is going to use me for his purpose.
Did you catch that?
God, the same God who created the entire universe and everything in it, loves me with a deeper love than I could ever have the words to describe or even understand. And he not just loves me, but he also has a plan for my life. It isn't just me though, that he feels this way towards. He also has that same love and perfect plan for you and your life. I now feel silly for not having fully trusted him before. While the past 22 years have in no way been a waste, they have not been the full life that God had intended. There are so many heartaches I could have avoided by fully trusting him. Heartaches not just from sin, but also from trying to direct my own life and fix my own problems when I could have just given it all to the Lord. But I am striving to never make that mistake again. I couldn't be more excited as I anticipate how the Lord is going to work in my life. I also fervently pray that each and every one of you can experience this same freeing and peaceful feeling that I now rest in by entirely committing youself, your will, and your plans for your life to the Lord. I can honestly say,
Where ever he leads, I'll follow.
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